I am 24 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for about three years. We have lived together a little less than 8 months. The last few weeks I have been completely losing my temper with him, but Im not sure why. Nothing really has changed in our relationship, but lately he is pissing me off left and right. I snap at the smallest thing and completely lose my shit, throwing stuff and screaming. We never get physical, but we fight and yell for hours, and he says that Ive changed and he isnt sure how long he can deal with me like this. I feel like I cant control my anger, and for some reason most of it seems to be directed at my boyfriend. Im realizing I might have a problem. I dont understand why I cant control myself.
You are correct when you say you might have a problem. Although anger can be a natural and sometimes necessary response to a situation, it can sometimes become excessive, causing discord in ones interpersonal relationships. If you are interested in learning how to manage your anger, I would first recommend looking into an anger management group or one on one anger management counseling. These can help you identify your anger triggers and provide you with tools and skills to help you manage your anger. Additionally, learning meditation or beginning a mindfulness practice can be tremendously helpful when trying to manage one's anger. If meditation or therapy isnt your thing, my first suggestion would be first to get curious about your anger. Its interesting how your anger seemed to come out of nowhere; it makes me wonder if there was something that triggered the anger that you are not realizing. Anger can sometimes manifest as a "secondary emotion", meaning that there is usually some other emotion hidden underneath the anger, ie: depression, guilt, shame, etc. Many find it more tolerable to express themselves in an angry way, rather than deal with the underlying uncomfortable emotions. Also, in my experience I find that many individuals that deal with anger management issues grew up in homes with anger being at the forefront of acceptable emotional expression. You might be unconsciously repeating a relational pattern that you are not aware of. If you are able to become more aware and conscious of your underlying drives and triggers to become angry, it may empower you to utilize your anger in a way that is healthy for you and your relationship.