Question submitted via Formspring:
“I have had some amazing changes take place in my life. I have been very blessed and grateful for the things that have been taking place. However, I recently have been feeling uncentered. I pray, I worship, I read scripture, but I still feel off. What can I do to center myself again? I need some suggestions, help or something!
And here is a follow-up to my question...is it possible that someone really close to you can feed on that same energy and have the same thing happen to them? I was talking to my 17 year-old son this morning, and he just recently made the basketball team. However, over the last couple of weeks, he has been off his game. He did really well in try-outs and practices, but then all of a sudden everything was off. He can't hold on to the ball, not making layups, just not doing anything as normal. So I was telling him this morning how something similar was happening to me with feeling off. I made a comment about how he might be feeding off of me...is that possible and if so, what should we both do?”
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The answer to the second part of the question is simple: Yes, it is very possible he’s feeding off of you. Parents have an incredible impact on their children; especially mothers to their sons. The first part is takes a bit more explanation.
In my Coaching work, I have worked with many successful people, both at the beginning and end of their careers. And, the saddest thing is to see someone who’s gotten everything they ever wanted in life, and yet they are still miserable; but why does that happen?
There are many reasons why a person might feel ‘uncentered’, but the most common one is this: Doing the right thing, for the wrong reason. For instance, I've known many people who pursued fame and fortune in order to make themselves feel ‘worthy’. But the fact is, worthiness is a feeling that comes from inside you, not outside. So, when they made it to the mountaintop not only did they still feel empty, but actually felt MORE empty because they had everything that should have made them happy, but didn't.
So, if you are feeling out of alignment, stop and ask yourself why it is you are doing what you’re doing. Why the new job, why leaving the old relationship, or why any other changes that you are making. Yes, many blessings may have arrived out of the blue, but if you aren't firmly rooted in what you really want, they’ll still feel unfulfilling. Remember, you can do anything…but not everything!
If you have trouble figuring out what you want, then start by figuring out what you don’t want, that is always much easier.
The next thing is to give yourself some credit for all that you've accomplished, and how far you've come. You've had to climb quite a hill to get to where you are now; have you given yourself any credit for it? I have a coaching client who sets big goals to go after, to prove that they are ‘worthy’, and, they accomplish these goals more often than not. But when they do, rather than feeling like they've accomplished something, this person chooses to believe that the goal must not have really been worthwhile. After all, if they could do it, it must not have been worth doing…right?
One of the biggest sources of misfortune I've ever seen is allowing yourself to mentally jump from crisis to crisis without allowing yourself to feel relieved when things actually work out!
The bottom line is: If you want to feel centered, focus on things that make you feel centered. Look at all the blessings you've been given, and truly take time to thank God / The Universe for every single one of them. For all the goals you had that happened, for all the plans you had that didn't happen; for all the pleasant surprises you've had, and all that are still to come. Go to bed thinking about how excited you are for the blessings of tomorrow, and wake up giving thanks for the new day and it’s infinite potential.
If you are rooted in how good you've had it up until now, how much better it’s going to be in the future, and especially how bless you really are in this very moment…that’s as centered as you can get.
You are great, and I love you!
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B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host
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