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Putin decries Pussy Riot headgear as "Too colorful" invades Crimea

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The Russians held the world’s most expensive winter Olympics and, hungry for more publicity immediately invaded Crimea. (Believing any publicity is good publicity, just spell Putin right or spend your winter in the gulag)

They haven’t paid for the Olympic Games and now they’re amassing huge debt for a war they didn’t start. We know the feeling.

Wearing uniforms with no patches or ranks, Putin denied that the soldiers were Russian. The troops, when asked by anyone where they were from, were told to answer, just visiting from Florida. It’s an NRA tour.

On the way in, the soldiers stopped at a Dunkin’ Donuts to order 1500 coffees and an equal number of pastries.

“It reminds me of home” said private Victor Dobrensky.

The General’s tell us that if we succeed in securing all of Kiev, we’re going to ‘Papa Vladimir’s pizza’ as a treat.

They arrived in buses with signage ‘Tour Crimea, it’s a gas; maybe’

President Obama, in an executive order, has ordered a halt to importation of those colorful nesting dolls and encouraged shipments of the latest Pussy Riot CDs.

A White House spokesperson said, “I don’t like their music, but those colorful hoods are so dope. They’re like fashionable toilet paper cozies.”

Senator McCain called president Obama’s action “weak and wimpy since we didn’t bomb Russia immediately”, and said “We should bomb any country that doesn’t agree with us.”

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