Holidays can be delightful for some - and very challenging for others due to common stressors that come up for many during this time of year. A marriage can take a hit when one or both are anxious so it not only serves the stressed individual well - but also the marriage - to have stress reduction tools at the ready. Let’s look at a few of the most common stressful situations – and practical ways to handle them.
Stressful Holiday Situation #1: Holiday Preparation
Do you feel as though your holiday “to do” list is never ending? If you are hosting a Thanksgiving meal there is the planning, shopping and cooking for, possibly, a lot of people. There are holiday gifts to buy and everything around that. It can seem like a lot. For some people, the list of tasks overshadows the joy of the season.
Holiday Preparation Stress Buster: How people deal with stress – and how they perceive stress – differs a lot. An important thing to ask yourself is, “Am I creating more stress than is reasonable for the situation?” Once you’ve taken an honest look at your relationship to stress, you can implement some of the following ideas to help decrease your stress levels:
- Make a to-do list and prioritize the items on your list.
- Take a close look at all of the items and ask yourself, “Are all of these truly necessary? What’s the worst thing that will happen if I don’t complete the list?”
- Ask for help. If you are the kind of person who tries to do it all – now is the time to challenge this behavior.
Stressful Holiday Situation #2: Family
As wonderful as bringing families together over the holidays can be, for many it requires navigating through the murky waters of “drama,” politics and expectations. You might be concerned about shaky family relationships going “south” when mixed with excessive alcohol consumption at the Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner table. Others get emotionally triggered around family of origin issues that still play out as adults.
Family Stress Buster: Face the reality that as much as we’d sometimes like to, we cannot control the behavior of others. If you tend to excessively worry about how people will “be” with each other, challenge yourself to stop taking on other people’s “stuff.”
- If there is an issue between two adults, let them work it out. It’s not yours to own.
- If you are going home to visit family and are concerned about others behavior towards you – set healthy boundaries for yourself and erect your own protective emotional shield.
- Before the event, formulate a plan for emotional support if need be from your spouse.
- Remove yourself from uncomfortable situations and take a walk if need be – or simply leave.
When it comes to managing stress, regardless of whether it’s around the holidays or the daily grind, it’s about awareness of your stress triggers, questioning your stress reaction and most importantly, self-care. It’s also important to remember that the stress response involves your physiology and if your fight or flight system is activated, it may be difficult to manage your reactivity. Consider things you can do to take care yourself and soothe your nervous system. Self-care will look different for everyone but it might be a vigorous walk outside in the crisp Fall/Winter air, sitting by the fire with a cup of tea or simply excusing yourself and focusing on a few deep, breaths. Learn more about how to build up your emotional resilience during this time.
Relationship-care is also important, especially if the holidays are stressful for either of you. Rather than allow external stressors to cause strain on your marriage, look at these challenges as an opportunity to band together with your partner. Do your best to be sensitive and supportive of what's going on. Be each other's port in the storm.
If you're in the San Francisco or north Bay Area (Marin) and need help with the impact of the holidays on you individually - or your relationship - learn more about my therapy services at http://www.MarinTherapyandCounseling.com.
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