Promiscuity is playtime, monogamy is work

Sean Connery as the incorrigible womanizer, James Bond
and Mel Gibson as the sacrfice-oriented William Wallace

Are you a man who has been labeled a "commitment phobe?"  Relax.  Many women who are frustrated by their individual lack of marriage proposals will attempt to stereotype you as a man who fears commitment.  Nonsense.  You know from your own self-analysis that it is not so much any sort of ‘fear’ of anything that drives your behavior, but rather it is a desire for constant pleasure that motivates your actions.  Please tell me … what is not enjoyable and pleasurable about the satisfaction you gain from having multiple options for sexual companionship?

I say, don't pass judgment on the promiscuous "player."  If you fit the bill of the non-monogamous type, offer no apologies for your lascivious ways and your fleshly pursuits.  As long as you are not misleading women and filling their head with blatant lies that give them the false impression that you are willing to commit to them in a long-term monogamous relationship, and you are practicing safe sex, I say do as you wish.

Now of course, what is good for the goose is good for the gander, right?  The woman who made an adult decision to exchange orgasms with you within the first week or two after you made her acquaintance?  She is not a "ho" (i.e., the short, urban epithet for a whore).  She is as much a 'ho' as you are a 'commitment phobe.'  No labels need to be attached to such behavior.  You are simply two grown adults choosing the path of least responsibility and obligation when it comes to your dating lives.

After all, who wants the tedious charge of coming up with new and creative ways to arouse the same woman or the same man indefinitely?  I mean, are you talking, week after week, month after month, year after year?  Spending time with the same man or woman?  Are you nuts?  What man or woman in their right mind would voluntarily choose to indulge in such a repetitious and mundane lifestyle?

A long-term, monogamous relationship is work.  I define work as something you really do not want to do, but you have to do it in order to achieve a desired goal, survive and/or earn a living.

Why would you want to 'work' when it comes to dating and relationships?  Is dating not part of the "fun" aspect of your personal life?  You do not have to date in order to survive or earn a living.  I say, if you are a man ... and you earn a decent living and are reasonably charming and handsome ... go out in the world and conquer.  You came, you saw, you seduced, you came (you know what I mean), and you conquered.  Bravo my friend, bravo.  If you are a woman, use your natural genetic gifts to work your magic with men.  Very few heterosexual men can resist the feminine charms and the seductive sex appeal of a woman.

Don’t worry about this whole "commitment" concept.  Commitment, after all, requires sacrifice.  It requires attention to detail.  It requires a tolerance for that which is sometimes unexciting and not in line with your impulse for spontaneity or instant gratification.  To commit to one woman or one man would require that you at some point in time reveal your more vulnerable side.  The flaws in your character.  Your potential fears and insecurities.  Inevitably, you would have to reveal the real you.  Who in their right mind would knowingly and willingly choose to do that?

Surely, you would have to agree that this "true love" idea is highly overrated.  I think the notion of "love and happiness" and "eternal bliss" was something created to sell magazines, household appliances, television sitcoms and movies (all of us, of course, saw Sleepless in Seattle and Pretty Woman and at the end, touched our hearts and said, "Awwwww .... how sweet")

The reality is, at our core, most of us want to do what we want to do.  We want to wake up when we want to wake up, we want to eat when we want to eat, and by golly gee we want to have sex when we want to have sex.  The idea of a committed relationship blatantly contradicts our innate desire to do what we feel like doing when we feel like doing it.

It takes a truly special breed of man or woman to want to spend a good portion of their adult life feeling obligated to experience physical romance and sexual pleasure with just one partner.  One spouse.  Can you imagine having to wear one suit or one dress for the rest of your life?  Having to watch one television network for the rest of your life? (okay, ESPN or Playboy TV not included)  Having to eat one type of food or drink one type of liquid forever? (okay, okay ... I actually could eat chicken wings and drink Peach Snapple everyday if that's all that was available to me)

So, once again I say ignore the subjective criticism of "commitment phobe."  Disregard the tags of "ho" or "promiscuous freak."  These are highly opinionated denunciations and personal judgments expressed by bitter women and ignorant, self-righteous men.  You have my permission to go forward in life doing what is pleasurable for you.  The only other option is ... to remain sexually faithful to one individual ... through joyful times and frustrating times .... during periods of good health and sickness ... during periods of great wealth and poverty ... until death separates you and your companion.  Wow.  How exciting.

Engaging in a long-term, truly monogamous relationship requires self-discipline, forgiveness, romantic and sexual creativity, leadership, financial stability, responsibility for another person (and more if you have children), the ability to weather storms and resolve disagreements, patience and even compromise.  You have to earn trust and trust another.  This sounds like a job.

More importantly, maintaining a long-term monogamous relationship requires long-lasting dedication, totally selfless behavior, and an incredibly high resistance to outside distractions and temptations.  You have to remain steadfast to bigger goals and a common purpose.  I don't know about you, but this monogamy stuff sounds like a whole lot of work.

Seeking promiscuous pleasure is always exciting and satisfying.

Choosing to maintain a vow of monogamy is challenging.  Work.  Sometimes, hard work.

I guess this is why it requires commitment.