Real Answers for Real Women on How to Build, Nurture and Mend their Relationships.
Half of the workforce in 2013 consists of women. Some are single women who are hard driven professionals with no time for relationships, but other are mothers daughters, wives, sisters and so forth.
Many of these women are just like you, and they face real relationship problems every day. It can be a very frustrating thing to deal with, because as women we are supposed to just know how to mend things. After all, you are a professional, well organized and you are used to dealing with high stress situations and as women we are just supposed to know how to fix things, right? Wrong! When it comes to matters of the heart instant knowledge on what to do next is not always the case. There are times that women need another point of view, shared experience or just a shoulder to lean on, and there is no shame in that.
We are used to recognizing stress and its triggers in our job and lives, but when it comes to our home stress, lack of time, a lack of energy, communication issues and things of this nature can be a killer. This may all be brought on by something called communication stress, and it has aided to the demise of many marriages, relationships between loved ones and so forth. Many times this comes from the fact that so many women are working and gender roles as they were “assigned” in years past have become outdated. Even some of these women subconsciously feel guilty because they themselves recognized these gender role assignments and never truly let them go.
Nowadays moms who have elementary school children and husbands are working in very successful fields. Out of that almost half of these families are dual earning couples. Only a fraction of these are single parents, and some of those became single parents only after launching their career. Knowing how to be an effective and supportive presence as well as what your needs are in any of these high stress and high demand situations is critical.
You may have hit the workforce with a vengeance and a hunger unmatched to any who graduated alongside you, but you have sustained the hunger and find a different one had taken its place. It is the hunger for a home, your relationship and your bonds to be healed, mended or built stronger. Still, your career is important too, and knowing where to find balance is often difficult. It can happen.
If your spouse is on board and helping with the responsibilities then that is a huge step in the right direction. Trying to do it all is exhausting, and it doesn’t say much on where he or she may stand with their idea of gender roles. After a long day’s work it is nice to come home to dinner and candles, even if it did come take out from your favorite bar and grill.
Following dinner up with a bubble bath for the two of you laced with soft music and Champaign can be a rejuvenating experience for the relationship ad for yourselves. The thing is this is something that has to come naturally; it cannot be forced. A woman simply cannot continually be laden with worries about home and their relationship while pulling a career off all of the time. A woman is still a woman even if she happens to make a substantial financial contribution to the home. Having someone who understands or is willing to learn how to be a true partner as well as the knowledge on your end as to how to be that partner is the heartbeat to a successful start and a long relationship.
As a professional woman it is also important to know that you and your spouse are both on board when it comes to future plans and the children. This is something that has to be a united front.
Unfortunately professional women just do not have the time a stay at home mother does, but they have the peace of mind in knowing they are making a sacrifice to offer their children more. It is important to still find time to foster the relationships with your children, and equally as important to know that your husband is doing the same.
Remember, time is the one thing they want the most from you, so when you are both offering the children your time whenever you can then they are being fulfilled also.
We will touch on the issue of when one wants children and the other isn’t ready a bit later.
Flexibility is a Must
It is important to be flexible. It is easy to fall into routines and regimens, but it is also easy to lose focus on the little things that really matter. This will leave you feeling as if you are missing something.
If you have that inkling maybe it is time to examine whether or not it is true. Believe it or not it is not always about you. Women who know they make their spouse happy (and children) are far happier themselves. This all starts with a healthy balance of work, home, family and fun.
Just as society needs to reexamine gender roles today we too have to connect to a more realistic understanding of them. Society has to come to the understanding that while it is tough to balance the home and a career it is not impossible. Husbands must see how hard it is for women in these roles and support them as well. This takes a woman of tremendous love and strength to pull it off. She cannot do it alone, and if she try’s it will be a tremendous weight that will be very stressful.
Having goods friends and remaining social is something that cannot be taken lightly. If you are married have a date night, and a family night. Spouses play a huge role in the well-being and happiness of their partner with their contributions to the home and family to avoid things like “psychological interference.”
The Heart of Relationships
Ladies it is essential to have support. Tangible resources are vital, but so is the balance in your personal lives. Even with help from your spouse your involvement is critical. At the end of the day this is the only place in which true emotional gratification for yourself, your children and our spouse will ever be found.
Traditional values and working career mothers/wives is a conflicting arrangement, so maybe you yourself need to reevaluate the roles society has placed us in and the roles we really exist in. There is no longer a “role” you have to adapt to. Your life, job, home, husband and children are what matters and not the thoughts of society.
Families with dual providers may have to work a little harder, but prioritization is the key here. Both giving to one another equally and taking that extra moment to make the difference is everything. Both careers have to be viewed equally as important without all of the weight falling on one person. Again, it is a partnership.
Communication is Strength
Everyone communicates differently, and with successful women this is oftentimes an area of concern. All sorts of things can effect communication from feeling swamped to feeling like one person is carrying all of the weight or the relationships they cherish are suffering.
Hours are not getting shorter in the office, but time is flying in life, so be direct when you communicate. Listen thoroughly and do not withhold your points when it is your turn to speak. Mutual agreements are essential, as well as agreeing to disagree sometimes. Do not waste time trying to convince someone to convert.
Listen especially for the things that are not spoken. Do your children or your spouse need a day with you, an evening, and a weekend away? If so then find a way to make that happen, because you can always catch up on the work later.
No matter how stressed you become remember understanding is everything that means for you and from you. It is a two way street.
Ask yourself genuinely what part you play in this and how the approach you take to things can be adjusted to suite the cause and the ones you love more effectively. Take time to release stress, because stress is a silent relationship killer.
Think about the way you communicate, and how much energy you are offering to the relationship. There is an old Chinese proverb that reads: "It's better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward."
S-E-X and the Battle Over When to Have Children
Sex is important, and career women often find themselves exhausted after managing home, kids, job and all of the other things that fall in between. Many times if a woman just had a bit of help she would have more energy for sex, but in a lot of instances falling into bed is all she has left. This is where that partnership can pay off on both ends.
Freeing up time means also freeing up energy. Many couples find themselves drifting apart because of the sexual rift that grows between them due to a lack of time or energy, and this can be a road ending in a bad place. Helping one another and supporting one another is so important.
Making that time to unite will rekindle so many things. Taking time to go away together even if it is at a local hotel for the night can really do a world of wonder for the relationship. Unfortunately if you do not have children but your husband wants a child then eventually something has to give even if it means agreeing to have eggs frozen. The point is compromise is essential, and not allowing your dreams to overshadow your spouse’s dreams is a must. Remember, time is flying so set the table in a way that will allow you to look back without regret.
The success of your relationships will ultimately rely on you. Knowing how to balance and embrace your life is the ultimate goal. Maybe your life didn't turn out as you had envisioned, but it is a good life.