President Obama attended a luncheon hosted by Senate Republicans and would not eat what Maine Senator Susan Collins served because the president did not have his “taster” with him. Having a taster is a long lost tradition of Kings and Queens during a time when poison was the assassination of choice. Since President Obama is the greatest man to ever live I can’t blame him for taking no chances especially with Republicans and neither can any of his followers.
Sometime earlier in the week Vice-President Joe Biden made an appearance in Maryland when a nobody took photos of the Vice-President “outside the press area” when he wasn’t supposed to because Biden’s hair was out of place while he was picking his teeth. A staffer for the Vice-President rushed over to the jerk and demanded that the photos be deleted and wanted to confiscate the persons phone to verify that the photo wasn’t sent somewhere nefarious such as Facebook.
Now for those of you who think Joe Biden is a phony little creep that finds staffers with an ad that says “henchmen wanted” think again. Biden’s office issued a heartfelt apology to everyone involved and went on to say that the staffer was not actually a paid staffer but a “volunteer” which makes all the difference in the world.
Liberal Congresswoman Rosa DeLauro celebrated Halloween early by scaring the bejesus out of local mayors and selectmen in Connecticut. No it wasn’t the glasses she was wearing (you know, I’m getting tired of you haters out there) it was the news that due to Republicans love for the rich, towns and communities that were ravaged by Hurricane Sandy will have to go the way of Haiti and wait for Sean Penn to help them out.
This was all due to the sequester cuts that the President thought would never ever occur by virtue of the fact that it was his idea and who can blame his reasoning given his track record. Aside from what Connecticut has spent on disaster relief the federal government has shelled out close to $90 billion and that doesn’t include what private insurance has paid out. DeLauro told the important officials and “leaders of our communities” that
This is something that will happen gradually, but with a profound effect…For example, $2.5 billion will be cut from the Hurricane Sandy disaster relief -- that means cuts to direct assistance, Army Corps of Engineer cuts, transportation cuts -- all of which will affect the ability of our cities and towns to repair their communities and to make them whole again.
What this means is that for all the money it may take to build a house, for instance, money will dry up right when it’s time to caulk the bathroom tub. She mercilessly went on to say:
We will lose about $4 million in LIHEAP (the Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program) alone…And Title I, which is pretty much the way our public schools get their funding, will lose about $8.8 million -- 10,000 students.
It was rumored that several mayors fainted and one selectwomen screamed much the way the actress who played Dustin Hoffman’s mother did in the movie The Graduate when Hoffman’s character announced he was getting married. But I wasn’t able to confirm any that but I don’t doubt it.
However there is some progress in our time of depressing austerity. A news report came out that the federal government is shelling out some much needed funds to study obesity in lesbians. For some reason lesbians are getting a little too large in the waste area and this hasn’t escaped the watchful eye of federal officials. They want to know why lesbians are gaining so much weight while homosexual males are skinny little twigs and better dressers. Since they are both what we call “gay”, what gives?
It is doubtful that this important study will feel the harsh sequester cuts because obesity is an epidemic of our time and we have to do something about it right away.
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