Hello Sexpertly Yours, TaMara!
I listened to most of the squirting episode on your radio show however; I did not hear an answer to the question on how you prepare a man for squirting. I have been a squirter for quite a few years now (I thought I had a gift..lol), even before I ever heard of anyone else doing it. I do not squirt across the room; I just "flood" (for a lack of a better word) the bed. My boyfriend gets freaked out from it which makes me tense up and not able to have an orgasm at all. I’m literally starting to suppress my orgasms because now I’m afraid that I might squirt and he will literally stop right in the middle of having sex. I’ve shown him that the fluid is not pee but he still thinks it is. In addition, he will not give me oral sex because he fears that I might come all over him. I love the messiness of sex however; I can’t enjoy our sex as much because I can’t control the size of my orgasms!!! I love him and want to stay with him but this is making it hard for me to stay faithful. What is your advice? HELP!!! ~ Sincerely, Afraid to flood
My Beloved Afraid to flood!
You are blessed with a gift of being in touch with your sexuality. You are able to freely submit yourself to the beauty of female ejaculation, something that so many women desire to experience but for many reasons do not. Unfortunately due to a lack of sexual education, among other things, many people both men and women do not understand the phenomenon of female ejaculation. Female ejaculation also referred to as squirting or gushing, is a natural occurrence resulting from intense G-spot stimulation. It occurs more frequently than one might expect but because some women are not as intimately acquainted with their bodies they are not attune to the experience. (Read: Female Ejaculation: More than just a phenomenon)
From what I've read, you have already done a fantastic job trying to address your boyfriends concerns. A couple things come to mind regarding your situation. It seems as though his reservations stem from a fear and/or lack of understanding about female orgasms. It also seems that he may have some inhibitions/hang-ups when it comes to sexual experiences.
As you are already aware this could become a much bigger issue in your relationship if you both do not address it. I encourage you to continue talking with him prior to the act of sex. Also using shows like my radio show, books and articles, which you both can read, are great way to start the conversation. During the conversation you want to find out the answers to the follow questions:
- what are his fears when it comes to female ejaculation,
- what’s the worst thing that could happen when you ejaculate,
- what causes him to stop during the middle of sex,
- what goes through his mind as you’re ejaculating.
Finding out the answers to the questions is a good starting point for identifying ways to address his specific concerns.
Suppressing your sexuality is not fair to you! You should be able to explore and share all facets of your sexuality with your partner. Continuing to suppress your sexuality will only result in disappoint, resentment, frustration and as you mentioned, “make it hard to stay faithful.” Consider sharing how important it is for you to be able to experience and share your sexuality with him. Also try explaining to him that your sexual responses are the result of the closeness and intimate bond that the two of you share. Be patient and allow his to ask any questions and share his feelings.
Sexual incompatibility between partners can definitely cause challenges in a relationship. It’s important to address them as soon as they come up. Dealing with such issues takes a team approach and willingness to resolve. I encourage you to work together to come up with a sexual script that includes both of your sexual wants, needs and desires so that when played out, you both end up happy and satisfied