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Pre-Screening Thoughts On Movies: Fifty Shades Of Grey

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Every once in a while we're going to endeavor to give you some mind-blowing (or maybe not so much) insight on what some really hyped up films are going to be like. Be aware, that these opinions are based solely on expectations alone, and sometimes on the theatrical previews that are intended to entice audiences and get them souped up for the premiere.

It may be a bit early to start talking about the Fifty Shades Of Grey movie, but not too early to put the bar way down. What you may have loved about E.L. James erotic novel, may not translate to the same steamy affair on the big screen, and some of the things you loved about the book may not even make an appearance. And if it does, an R rating or worse is going to be a hard sell. (Pun absolutely intended.)

The book and the movie are obviously supposed to be for quote-unquote "adults," and while I'm sure there'll be some steamy sex scenes that make seeing it all worthwhile, they may come up a lot more dull than you think.

Think of the best Hollywood sex-scene you've ever seen in a good movie. If that scene alone made the movie for you, it probably wasn't that great.

To be fair, I haven't read the entire series of Fifty Shades. (I keep it next to the laundry just in case) E.L. James' incessant need to interrupt dialogue every two lines for Ana's interjecting thoughts about everything, and the way that blondes appear to envelope the protagonist to make her stand out against the background even though otherwise, there's absolutely nothing extraordinarily interesting about her, and Christian Grey therefore borders on sex-offender, turned me off to the whole thing. James has a way of writing a good sex-scene, but I doubt very much that will translate well onto the screenplay.

Now, the movie could also go another route, and include dialogue narration over every scene like they did with Twilight. Of course, that would be insanely annoying, and certainly uninteresting. Given that the novel was based on fan-fiction of that very franchise, I honestly wouldn't be surprised if it did.

In my personal opinion, which you don't have to agree with, Fifty Shades advocated abusive unstable relationships even worse than Twilight did; by including the reality that sex is often a part of those everyday relationships, and they're all too common as well.

But morals aside, the producers would be hard-pressed (pun intended) to put multiple sex-scenes in something of this nature. Shows like Game Of Thrones and The Tudors compel their audiences with arousing scenes of intercourse that are graphically shot, and uninhibited, but when it comes to a full-length movie, I doubt very much we can expect the same amount of nudity and erotica.

In short, you may love the Fifty Shades novel collection, and that's okay! This shouldn't deter you from enjoying the story or any of the hot-and-heavy scenes it included. Just keep in mind that when it comes to films, money, criticism, and reward (meaning awards) is often the goals of the director and everyone involved. In other words, don't be too surprised if what you remember (and possibly made the book enjoyable if not bearable, in my personal case) might not be what you see when it hit theaters.

But hey, it's just a theory. We'll wait and see, and bring you the full in-depth package of criticism when it hits theaters!


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