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Practice positive dating

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Does this sound familiar: your friend decides to set you up on a blind date, because doesn’t every woman have that friend who feels the incessant need to set her up? So you initially feel excited, which turns into nervousness, then anxiety over the decision to allow yourself to be set up in the first place. Then by the time the date arrives, the normally calm, collected and confident woman that you are is overshadowed by feelings of insecurity and self-doubt.

Why do women do this to themselves?

Women who have graduated with degrees in art history, or engineering or biology, who have achieved impressive status in their careers and have purchased their own homes, who have numerous stamps in their passports from traveling the world are the same women who go into a first date with concerns over their worthiness.

Do men do the same thing? Doubtful. This is not to say that men never feel insecure about themselves in the dating arena, but women tend to express their fears of being inadequate more loudly than men.

Well guess what, ladies? It’s time to stop. Just stop! It’s time to start a new pre-date ritual that includes looking in the mirror and saying out loud that you are smart, talented, sexy, hilarious, gorgeous and worthy of love, or lust, or whatever you desire at this point in your life. It’s time to start practicing positive dating, which means that you will no longer psyche yourself out when it comes to meeting men.

You have incredible things to offer any guy who is lucky enough to go on a date with you. Stop worrying whether you’ll say something witty in reply to his comment about last night’s episode of The Daily Show with John Stewart. Don’t stress about the fact that you went into the bathroom after the appetizer course to see that you had a small piece of pepper stuck in your teeth. And don’t wither after his self-promotional comment about a recent job accomplishment.

Instead, smile, make eye contact, and proceed to tell him something great about yourself, whether it’s the fact that you just completed your first half marathon, or that you started professionally mentoring a young woman at work. The date may lead to a match made in heaven, or it may be the first and the last with that particular guy.

But either way, you can walk away knowing that you didn’t cheat yourself.

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