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Polar Vortex excites Colbert into dropsies

So you are excited you southerners are by the novelty of a vortex of arctic weather: it's, as a matter of fact, called a polar vortex. You'll instantly recognize the excitement of the spectacle when you see Stephen Colbert becoming weak and, somehow, perturbed.

My southern brain feels this cold all the way through
My southern brain feels this cold all the way throughGetty Images

But, he's not perturbed by his own spoken words: that's just his inane way of relating news to us. He's inane by his failure to grasp--literally--the significance of the cold. He drops his snow shovel and he slips on the snow out of painful weakness and non-comical inability to adapt to what kids think is so, so much fun.

We've actually been in an era of warming: as if you all haven't seen and felt the stories of really warm weather. It's not a conspiracy of reporting that we've had warm weather. It's a conspiracy of numbers: it's really been getting warmer. But as we know when the northern hemisphere of the earth tilts away from the sun we have what is known as Winter.

It's a scheduled event and, of course, it will get cold. Colbert has an inane story about global warming I can't summarize easily because he makes people crazy with his failure to grasp. His comedy is all about dropping whatever is in his hands and taking on something he's, for some reason, too weak to hold: yet another thing he's too weak to hold.

So, it's Winter and it's cold and Stephen Colbert is in the midst of dropping the weather on the ground.

If you choose to put Colbert in a bottle when you go skiing because you admire his humor so much then be aware that his uncoordinated dropsies feel like an epidemic, like a syndrome when, in fact, you really need coordinated motion on the slopes.

My brother is a passionate skier and I'm sure he's not wearing a Comedy Central scarf because as skiers know there is no need for an avalanche of uncoordinated and so chaotic activity. Have you ever actually seen an avalanche. You wouldn't ever schedule that unless you're far, far away.

What is a polar vortex anyway; it's the opposite of a Gulf breeze. A breeze from the Gulf of Mexico is also exciting and as you know by now Stephen Colbert will drop that as well. Without getting technical--my Dad was a weather forecaster--a polar vortex is a blast of arctic air that occasionally happens. Northerners are very familiar and southern kids are thrilled with seeing, maybe for the first time, snow on the ground.

In Leesburg, Florida where I live we won't see snow for a long, long time but I'm happy to know kids will see it just slightly north of here. You don't have to learn to drop this cold weather like Stephen Colbert because it will disappear on it's own accord:

Spring will be here in March and then Summer in June. It's on your very own calendar