Be aware of what you are telling yourself in each moment – about yourself, your experiences, and about others.
If you are not yet capable of being kind to yourself, chances are – you probably aren’t the best at being very kind and accepting of others as they are, either.
Be kind to yourself, you deserve it.
The rest will unfold of its own accord, as more often than not, how we feel about ourselves is reflected in our interactions with others i.e., it is revealed in how we respond to, perceive, or in some cases, react to others.
If you are constantly criticizing yourself, and have taken the time to focus upon and catch yourself “assuming” upon and criticizing others – what you may or may not have noticed is that you are most likely caught in an old story. This is pretty much about all that is happening when you are seeing or exhibiting such behaviors, folks. You are re-creating a behavior that at some point in your life was either taught or reflected back to you through the mirror of others. Directly or indirectly, this has provided you with some early, albeit faulty, feedback about who you are, and it has served in creating a self-image that is not in alignment with Who You Are, in truth.
Let’s take a moment to think about this objectively. First off – you have a strong mind, or you wouldn't be so caught up in this mental groove in the first place, right? Think about it: Why would most people that you come into contact with be “out to get you?” Do you honestly think that it is everyone’s deepest desire to put one over you? This sounds like a situation where there may be a bit too much self-focus happening, along with a whole lot of living in defense. This is to your own detriment. It takes far too much energy to walk around in the world in such ways. You may even be experiencing bodily aches, illness, and/or feel very low on energy at times, and all due to an automatic behavior (way of perceiving), that you are allowing your mind and body to consistently focus upon.
So, you were hurt by people that in your minds eye, were people that you "should" have been able to trust. Does this mean that the whole of humanity is just like the few people in this world who have hurt you? Sure, at some point, perhaps at many points, your mind and body learned that they were not safe to trust the people that you really could have benefited from being able to trust – but does this have to color the rest of your life, or the entirety of humanity?
Reality is – more often than not this "old story" isn't what is happening in this moment. If, perhaps in your case, it is happening and you are reading this, then you are probably surrounded by people who are reflections of your past, and not of Who You truly Are.
It is time to teach yourself the truth about Who You Are, and the truth about the others that make up our beautiful world. Personal boundaries are a great thing to learn and assert in such cases where you are still mistreating or allowing others to mistreat you on some level or another. It is safe to set boundaries, and you will find that you/others will have more respect for you/others as you practice setting them.
Know Thyself. We must come to accept where we are with respect to our own growth, in order to transcend that space as within and expand beyond any current confines. Start right where you are. This world is what we make of it, so treat yourself/others like a child of the Divine – it all begins with you.
There will come a time when you will have taught yourself just enough, and as a result you will be able to receive people who can love, who do know how to treat others well, who will cherish you as you are; you will have freed yourself up to allow such love into your world. You can do it. It is possible. It will, however, take time. It is only you who can teach yourself this truth. It is only you at this point in time that does not truly see how beautiful, worthy, or how amazing you are. So figure it out, and treat yourself right! Capiche?
It is also good to note, that if this is what you have learned about “love” from the people who surrounded you early on in life, then you might want to start actively questioning the things that you are telling yourself in the now. It would also be a Divine idea to pay heed and shift the behaviors that you are currently exhibiting with relation to others that you claim to “love.”
“Ignorance is the mis-identification of the Spirit with the earthly.” Meditate upon this truth, and so much that your mind has but no choice but to imprint upon it. The intellectual understanding/grasping of a truth or practice is one thing, embodiment of such truths/practices in action, is quite another.
You are not your mind, you are not your thoughts, you are not your body – they are however, wonderful Divine tools that allow you to walk through and actively participate in this world of experiencing.
If you are caught in any habits in action that are fear based in nature, and you find yourself saying or doing hurtful things to people you “love,” – then grab yourself by the cajones, and get a grip! Did you smile? Good.
On a more serious note, if you can recognize these behaviors in yourself, this is a beautiful first step. So, now just take the time to be more fully present with the people that you tend to "act out" towards. Really feel and see how your behavior is affecting them. Start listening intently to what you are saying to yourself and others. It will tell you all that you need to know about the environment your mind was shaped in, and just remember, Dear One, if you so choose, it does not have to remain this way forever, you can stop pushing people away.
In the meanwhile, don’t forget to:
1) Have compassion for yourself.
2) Own the behavior, not as Who You Are, but rather as an action that you learned at some point in time that is no longer serving you/others.
3) Choose different behaviors and actions in each moment, behaviors/actions that are in alignment with what you know LOVE IS. Be diligent as you continue along your pathway.
4) Remember that you are here to learn, and this is exactly what you are doing.
Perform these actions over and over again until these new behaviors become your natural response to people, life, and the experiences of this world. It is in-deed possible to teach your mind and body to work with rather than against you. Take care of these Divine Instrument’s, feed them well, and pay heed to what you will allow them to take in.
You can be a cause or you can be an effect. It’s your choice. What do you choose?