Leave it to the U.S. military to create a contingency plan for absolutely everything. Apparently the powers-that-be want to make sure that there is a battle response plan for every contingency that could possibly--or impossibly--happen. They have plans for nuclear attack, armed invasion by an hostile nation--although Russia invading Ukraine apparently was never considered--and even an space-based attack by other Earth-based powers or even by an alien race from outer space. And, should events take on a likeness to AMC's hit show 'The Walking Dead,' it would also seem that Pentagon chiefs have contingencies for a zombie apocalypse.
Foreign Policy reported that an unclassified Pentagon document called CONOP 8888 is, in essence, a zombie survival plan and a step-by-step guide to military commanders on how to isolate a threat from the undead to "preserve the sanctity of human life" among all the "non-zombie humans."
"This plan fulfills fictional contingency planning guidance tasking for U.S. Strategic Command to develop a comprehensive [plan] to undertake military operations to preserve 'non-zombie' humans from the threats posed by a zombie horde," the plan summary reads. "Because zombies pose a threat to all non-zombie human life, [Strategic Command] will be prepared to preserve the sanctity of human life and conduct operations in support of any human population -- including traditional adversaries."
CONOP 8888, otherwise known as "Counter-Zombie Dominance" was written on April 30, 2011, and is a serious military matter. The disclaimer section of the report even includes specific language to alleviate any doubt. "this plan was not actually designed as a joke," it reads.
Don't write Congress just yet. According to military planners at U.S. Strategic Command in Omaha, Nebraska, the whole idea is merely to create a contingency for a scenario that could never happen and could never be mistaken for a real plan. To insure this, military officials used zombies as their enemy targets. "(Planners) realized that training examples for plans must accommodate the political fallout that occurs if the general public mistakenly believes that a fictional training scenario is actually a real plan," the report read. "Rather than risk such an outcome by teaching our augmentees using the fictional 'Tunisia' or 'Nigeria' scenarios used at [Joint Combined Warfighting School], we elected to use a completely-impossible scenario that could never be mistaken for a real plan."
Navy Capt. Pamela Kunze, a spokeswoman for Strategic Command, acknowledged the document exists on a "secure Internet site" but said that the zombie survival guide is only a creative endeavor for training purposes. "The document is identified as a training tool used in an in-house training exercise where students learn about the basic concepts of military plans and order development through a fictional training scenario. "This document is not a U.S. Strategic Command plan."
Should there be an actual zombie attach, the military plan is designed to establish and maintain a vigilant defensive condition aimed at protecting humankind and to eliminate the zombie threat to human safety, the report read,. There are also provisions for assisting local authorities as they respond to zombie attacks across the country.
The military identified different kinds of zombies it might face in a national attack of the walking dead. There are the vegetarian zombies that pose no threat to human life, the evil magic zombies created by a form of occult experimentation and, of course, the chicken zombies.
"Although it sounds ridiculous, this is actually the only proven class of zombie that actually exists," the plan stated. Chicken zombies occur when older hens are euthanized by famers with carbon monoxide, buried and then fight their way back to the surface.
"Chicken zombies are simply terrifying to behold and are likely only to make people become vegetarians in protest to animal cruelty," CONOP 8888 noted.
Zombies from outer space, bio-engineered zombies and outer space creatures are also possible. Have no fear though, because the report also provides for relief efforts that the military will provide as directed by the President and Secretary of Defense.
It's nice to know that the military has zombie contingencies, even if it is merely for practice and exercises. It would be better if they also had contingencies for more realistic world threats that are occurring today on nearly every continent. If zombies attack Ukraine, the Pentagon is definitely ready for that one.