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Part 2. - Domestic violence against women is a worldwide pandemic.
“In my utopia men would be real men neither women nor child would be their victims” by Doyle F. Wheeler
No man has ever beaten or abused a woman
I say this with a straight face and the conviction that I’m 100% correct in my assessment!
“A man does not beat a woman, men do not beat women. Immature punk ass boys, be they in their teens or in their 70’s beat women.” by Doyle F. Wheeler
Part two of this report :
Slowly changes are coming that will make it harder for abusers to hide. In most parts of United States it’s at least a misdemeanor to engage in domestic violence. If a male is arrested and convicted they will be stripped of the right to own or carry a gun.
This keeps them from joining the military, any law enforcement agency, while frequently keeping them from getting employment by any organization that does a background check.
Today jobs, even those that often pay as little as minimum wage run background checks.
In some states you can and will be charged with a felony if you inflict physical injury to a person during a domestic violence attack. This is how it should be everywhere, and it should be enforced.
Many times the officers will make the arrest while the prosecutor decides to deal the case away or reduce it to a slap on the wrist.
This will only go by the wayside when prosecutors that practice this are sued or forced from public office.
Domestic violence against women is a worldwide pandemic part 2
States need an actof legislation making any second offense a felony punishable by a minimum prison sentence of two to five years in the state prison.
A majority of women give their abuser a free pass the first few times they are pushed, or struck. The abuser immediately apologizes, swearing they are so sorry, pledging their undying love.
No matter how many times you tell the women it will only get worse, most believe they can love the person out of this kind of behavior.
They believe if they only hadn’t made their husband or boyfriend mad this would not have happened. Frequently that is projected directly to them by the abuser.
Other times it comes in the way of advice from a mother, father, or girl friend. It’s 100% crap and should not be swallowed even if given by members of the clergy.
Sadly these people, practitioners of God word, will frequently, having never been married attempt to give women the advice that they should “pray on it and try to be a better wife,”
The Catholic church is adamant in its position on divorce. Priests will frequently discourage women from leaving their abusive husbands. They will go so far as to remind them that the church will not recognize any future marriage if they get a divorce.
In the past the Mormon church would go out of their way to discourage a woman from reporting her husband’s abuse. I'm told this practice has been replaced with help for women that are in abusive relationships. I hope that so as it is a big step in the right direction.
To women of faith in these churches it’s another emotional bidding that prevents them from leaving an abusive relationship.
For other women it’s a violation of their cultural heritage to even consider leaving their husbands.
It doesn’t matter how many times you show them the figures on how abuse gets worse not better. Women can come up with a million of their own reasons for staying in an abusive relationship and sadly do.
Often it comes down to the fact they fell in love with this person who has now changed into this monster that they must somehow fix.
They want so desperately to be loved that they will risk their physical safety, their emotional safety, their mental health, and the safety of their children to cling to the belief that it will get better. It almost never does!
The reality is that less than 25 % percent of those males that are given treatment for the problem of being an abuser avoid future problems for more than five years.
Each year thousands of women across the United States pay for that decision to stay with their lives.
Every year hundreds of women will pay for the decision to stay in abusive relationship with the lives of their children.
Each year a hundred thousand women or more will pay for their decision to stay with a visit to the emergency room. Many of them swearing they fell down the stairs, were the victim of slip and fall, hit their eye on the door, the list goes on.
With the pressures of a lagging economy on already struggling relationships the prospect of violence toward women looms larger than ever.
If you missed part one of this report you can click here
Click here to go directly to part three
Just to let you know:
I have recently had a stroke that has resulted in some seizures. At times I make grammar errors as I don't always have someone available to proof read these articles, before I have to submit them.
I try to do my best to keep the information fresh. The old brain doesn't connect the dots as it once might have. The stroke dusted some of the dots of my dice I'm afraid. Thank you for being understanding as the wisdom goes “We do not write as we want, but as we can.” - W Somerset Maugham
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Comments
Domestic violence is a real problem, and any man who beats a woman is not a real man.
However, this otherwise good article lost credibility to me when it started to bash religion, especially with the following:
"The Mormon church will go out of their way to discourage a woman from reporting her husband’s abuse."
I mean, have you ever looked at how much work these churches have done to combat domestic violence?
Domestic Violence is a real problem and must never be minimized.
Today I just read about a study that said men who are arrested without charges ever filed against one their first confrontation repeat affend at the 50% rate. That is a pretty good rate.
Also, I have just been released after serving five years as a Bishop in the Mormon Church. The statement you made against the church is far from reality. I received special training in person, in writing and by video on child and spouse abuse. I had a knowledgable attorney a phone call away for advice so women and children would be safe again and everything was handled legally and ethically. During these five years we helped two mothers and their children get safe and stay safe.
DEAN & BRIAN since you're both upset about the same part of my article I will address you both at the same time. I'm pleased you're in situation where your part of the Mormon church is working to help women. My experience with it in Salt Lake and Rexsburg were just the opposite. I'll be happy to believe you that the Mormon church has changed its way in the recent past, I'll correct the article.
Dean & Brian I've made correction to my article based on your input.
I do want to say Dean two women in five years doesn't say a great deal for the effort being made unless you were in area that only had about twenty family.
Your comment...
"The Mormon church will go out of their way to discourage a woman from reporting her husband’s abuse." destroys the credibility of your entire article. Such a statement should not part your lips unless you have a mountain of credible evidence.
I have been in ecclesiastical leadership for many years, and there is ZERO tolerance for any kind of abuse, physical, mental or emotional. There is in reality, legal counsel and mental health counsel just a phone call away, and ANY thing that smacks of violation of the law, IS REPORTED INSTANTLY. Zero tolerance is a genuine reality in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints when in comes to abuse, adults or children.
pohaku,
did you read the article?????????
In the past the Mormon church would go out of their way to discourage a woman from reporting her husband’s abuse. I'm told this practice has been replaced with help for women that are in abusive relationships. I hope that so as it is a big step in the right direction.
If you're going to try to tell me that in the past the Mormon Church did not go out of it way to discourage women than I'm going say you're either blind or dishonest or both.
I'm very pleased to learn they have stopped this practice and put some safe guards in place to protect women.
So tell me when will we see women Bishops????
Very informative article Doyle. You highlighted many of the impediments that often prevent women from removing themselves from violent relationships. Domestic violence was a frequent academic focus of mine in my pursuit of a career in counseling.
The self blame by the victim that you've described is so common and for many of the reasons that you stated. Another dynamic that fuels this self blame can be when a victim feels extremely powerless and as a defense mechanism accepts blame as a way to feel a sense of control in the face of this trauma. She simply believes that if she doesn't do this or that, it won't happen again. The psychological payoff is that she can almost instantly regain the sense of safety that she so desperately needs. The incentive to believe this is quite powerful. This false sense of safety is very dangerous and must be challenged patiently to place the responsibilty for the violence back onto the perpetrator to free her from this deadly cycle of violence
lola in Montreal,
but of course feel free to quote me, but it's you I'd like to quote in my part 3 segment on this issues. It very obvious you know of what you speak. If it's OK shoot me an email at doylewheeler@yahoo.com I'll need a real name I'd hear more if you don't mind or feel like writing about it.
Thanks again Doyle
I handled case of domestic violence in Kenya yesterday - it made me recall my own past and advise a friend only to find myself hitting a wall - she can't walk away as I did. She's doing all the things you have written in this article. One reader of my blog here on wildaboutafrica.wordpress.com thinks I'm insensitive - many others have revealed that they too are victims of this hideous insidious and all too common crime. You are right, it is an epidemic. We need to grow a new generation of real men.
Paula,
It seems like so many men have become impotent as to what they can do in this complicated world that rather than try to change the world or the circumstances around them, they take their wrath out on the one weaker thing than them that is close by. It makes no sense to me they beat the one they’re supposed to love. I guess I’m wired a little bit like Mr. Spock on Star Trek as it’s completely illogical to me that this occurs. On one hand I’m proud to be a man on the other hand I’m ashamed to be associated with the behavior of so many so called men!
It's time we men do something to stop this, even if it means oh well I'll discuss that more. Thank you Paula
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