Paris Hilton paparazzi brawl sheds blood, renders one unconscious

If I hadn’t seen this monstrosity of reality video with my own eyes I never would have believed it.

 

Grown men with cameras trailing luscious Paris Hilton clutching the arm of her newly crowned BFF, Brittany Flickinger (under the glare of flashing lights, the skinny brunette could have been sister Nikki, for all I know). These guys made flashbulb mincemeat of the two, then beat each other into bloody pulps. One guy walked away with a smashed up face while another lay unconscious on the ground.

 

And they call Baltimore a vicious town. I’ve never seen a fracas approaching this level of evil, let alone witness such visceral attacks against fellow human beings. I mean, the guy was lying face down in a parking lot for crying out loud.

 

And still the cameras kept rolling.

 

Like his lifeless body was some kind of pay-per-view event.

 

 

No wonder Brad Pitt is calling for national laws restricting paparazzi.

 

The photogs are out of control. They’re behaving like animals, like wild starving animals fighting over their last bit of gristle. They don’t care who or what they stomp over – as evidenced by Hilton’s painful whine as she tries to enter the vehicle – as long as they get the best shot.

 

Lucrative perhaps, but not worth dying over. Unconscious guy seemed to be foaming at the mouth.

 

They couldn’t pay me to risk that kind of injury. I don’t know, maybe the level of ferocity has something to do with America’s declining economy. More and more paparazzi are acting recklessly and dangerously criminal for the love of the almighty dollar. Celebrities are legitimately frightened.

 

Someone needs to get tough. Why not copy OPEC’s lead with oil? Yank the incentive to get brutal by collectively lowering prices for paparazzi photos and videos (or in OPEC's case, collectively raise prices to stay in business). As the risk to reward gap widens, a good portion of these hacks will look elsewhere for employment.

 

The scary melee reminded me of that Wal-Mart worker who was trampled to death on Black Friday. When people are dying for the sake of blue light specials, it becomes fairly clear that our collective value system is out of kilter, don't you think?

 

Time to get back on track. Quickly.

 

 

Naturally, when the article continued to appear on Google News through Sunday, I couldn't resist clicking the link to this article. I wanted to see for myself what other people would see as a first impression of my page. Would they enjoy the article? Cringe like I did at the video? Call for stricter laws against paparazzi? I wanted to simulate the experience for myself.

 

Unfortunately when I arrived, the video no longer functioned Not only was the embed code missing from the frame, but the E! website no longer carried the video. A thorough search of E! came back empty-handed. And my link to the original video (with credit to Inquisitr.com) turned up nothing as well. This could only mean two things.

 

Either the video was permanently MIA never to return to the public eye, or someone had shrewdly copied it as a keepsake of their own. Lo and behold, the latter prevailed, allowing me to copy the video and embed it myself below.

 

Deletion of video, a common occurrence on the Internet, is a practice I strongly abhor. News is news. Once an organization posts a video for public consumption and allows other media to link, they should not be allowed to yank the video indiscriminantly. In this case, I believe my article is a worthwhile news story, as supported by its inclusion in Google News. For that reason, I have recreated the video below.

 

For as long as I am able to do so, the video will remain posted here. Again, it carries a strict warning for profanity and extreme violence. The reason I did not embed the copy I located of the video is because it did not edit the profanity. I have attempted to do so, but the level of gratuitous violence is enough reason to pass. For those of you with higher threshholds of intolerance, consider yourselves warned. Proceed at your own risk and discretion. The action is quite graphic.