Paris Hilton, born into wealth and entitlement; Lindsay Lohan, forced into pop culture before she was ready to deal with the pitfalls and sports idols, thrust into a world of money and fame, doing drugs, torturing dogs, and disrespecting women. These are often the very people our teens look up to and aspire to emulate.
What is a parent to do? To some degree you have to expect that your child will look outside of the home to find people living a life that they admire and desire. You probably remember your teen idols and your desire to be like them. Times were different then.
Modern teen idols may have less than exemplary, very public, lives. Everyday I see teenagers who spend exorbitant amounts of their parent's money trying to create an image that equals their wealthy and maladjusted idols. Consequently, it is becoming common for teens to feel entitled to their parent's money. And too often parents are afraid to set limits for fear of endangering their already fragile relationship with the teen. The fact is that you can take control of your child and stop them from falling into the same pits as their teen idols.
Teaching your child the necessity of working for their pay is the best way of helping him or her grow into a monetarily responsible adult. This can begin as soon as your child is old enough to start asking for candy at the grocery store. But if your teenager has skipped this level of development, it is not too late to stop feeding their demise with money.
- Talk with your teen and let them know that you have made a tragic error in judgment regarding how liberal you have been with them. Explain how they will have to start earning everything – money, clothes and privileges. Let them know it isn’t a punishment but that it may feel like one. Rather it is your way of loving them into adulthood.
- Let them know that along with the monetary changes that you will no longer give in to their crying, whining or threatening behaviors. Remind them that as they begin to be more responsible for themselves they will also be treated more like an adult.
- Realize that it is your job to teach your child how to fend for themselves. It is critical to your child's wellbeing that you be assertive and consistent as well as loving and eager to reward good behavior.
Don’t worry about being your child’s friend. Be the parent. Love them enough to set limits and to enforce consequences.
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