Consistency is essential to successful parenting. But all parents know that you need to be consistent and flexible.  Here are the suggestions for how and when to be consistent.

Consistent routines
Children thrive when they know what's expected of them and they can predict what will happen next. A realistic daily/weekly routine helps your child make good choices - to sit at the dinner table instead of walking around with food or to put toys where they belong rather than leave them in the middle of the floor.

Consistency must also allow for variations. Too much structure and your child becomes rigid in his expectations - like the child who can't sleep without absolute quiet or without the same person tucking him in at night. So, choose routines that you can replicate easily under a variety of conditions.

Consistent language
There's a time for silly-speech, exaggeration and humor, but there's also a time when you need to communicate clearly and directly. When you are giving your child directions or establishing limits, it's important to mean what you say and say what you mean. Your child learns to listen the first time when he knows you only say things once. Your child learns the power of words when he knows that "bedtime" means it's time to stop playing and be in bed.  Read these tips from Dr. Sears or read the classic book on parent communication, How to Talk So Kids will Listen.

Consistent over time
Consistency teaches children that they can rely on a predictable future. They learn to wait - for a special day, or to do something they don't want to do - like go to bed, because they know good things do come and difficult things don't last forever. They learn, through consistency, that grown-ups keep promises and remember things that children forget. Consistency over time is security to a small child.

Consistent with yourself
Children are studying you; they study your words and your actions. If you change your mind or your priorities every other day, children get confused. They don't know what's important or how they are supposed to act. Before you set a rule in your household, be sure it's a choice you want to make. If you aren't willing to stand by a rule tomorrow or next month, you're probably better off without it.

Consistent with your values
Your parenting messages are stronger when you model your values. If you scream at your child to "calm down" when she's frustrated, your child has to work harder to decipher the mixed message. Consistency isn't being perfect (never making mistakes or never getting emotional); consistency is making sure your actions match the message.

Don't worry about everyone else being consistent with you. Other people do not have to do things your way as long as they don't undermine you in front of your child. So for example, grandparents might have a later bedtime at their house but the "rule" at your house doesn't change. 

Consistent with a touch of realism
Real life is messy: people make mistakes, parents get emotional, rules get broken, and some situations warrant exceptional responses. Consistency is critical when children are pushing boundaries and testing limits. But consistency can go too far. Everyone needs a break sometime. Sometimes your child will need an extra hug instead of a being on-schedule. Some days were meant for playing hooky. Beware of absolutes like "always" and "never". A little thoughtful "inconsistency" may be the perfect compliment to consistent parenting.