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Oscar Pistorius, the Mommy's Boy makings of a Narcissist?

Entitled to Narcissistic Abuse
Entitled to Narcissistic Abuse
Entitled to Narcissistic Abuse

There has been a lot of talk about Oscar Pistorius having many of the traits of a narcissist, and even the prosecutor has depicted him as a narcissistic bully. Narcissistic personality disorder is rarely diagnosed, since narcissists don't ever think anything is wrong with them, and thus never seek counseling for their inappropriate behavior patterns. What we do know is that a narcissistic personality disorder normally develops in the early childhood years, from an abusive upbringing in which the child was either excessively criticized (could never do right), or the child was excessively praised (could do no wrong), or could never count on their parents being there for them as when they are raised by a nanny.

Any of these situations is considered abuse or neglect, since the child never gets reliable and constructive feedback, a reality check of sorts, that allows them to develop into a fully functioning person who can deal with life's many adversities. It is therefor that narcissistic personality disorder is considered a form of arrested development where the child never outgrows the selfish stage in which the world revolves around him or her. A stage that most children can outgrow between the ages of 6 and 8 years old.

This is what Linda Martinez-Lewi Ph.D says:

A message that the parent communicates to this (golden) child is: "You are perfect; you have no limits; you can do no wrong." This child grows up to believe that he is superior to others. The parent does not teach this child to be sensitive to the feelings of others. All that matters is succeeding, destroying your competitors and reaching the very top of the mountain. The future narcissist develops a grandiose false self. Believing that he is perfect and superior and more entitled, the narcissist leads his life manipulating others, convincing them of his superiority and greatness. Despite his success in the world and the appearance of independence, the narcissist remains psychologically frozen in early childhood.

Looking back on the upbringing of Oscar Pistorius, there seem to be some clues that he may have had an overly doting mother.........a mother who may have smothered him with excessive praise for any and all accomplishments no matter how minor. He is also known to have had a very privileged upbringing. Unlike another article that claims that from early years a lot was expected of him, and that he was never allowed to mourn his disability, I think Oscar may rather have been his mother's golden boy, the boy who garnered most of her attention, was pampered, and could never do wrong as often happens with special needs children. As a matter of fact in many families with a disabled child, the entire family revolves around that particular special needs child, to the exclusion of the other children.

The author of the previously sourced article correctly states that we often present the false scenario, where special needs children are told that they can lead a normal life despite their disability, yet more frequently parents over-compensate for their special needs children's limitations, by being overly doting.

Another reason Oscar Pistorius may have become a mommy's boy is that his parents got divorced when he was just 6 years old, which may have caused his mother to focus even more intensely on her connection with him as her golden boy.......to become more enmeshed with him even prior to the divorce as she was unhappily married. By making things possible for Oscar Pistorius and overly protecting him, he may have been shielded from reality, as her star child, making a full individuation into maturity very difficult.

Such situations where the father is emotionally and/or physically absent can exacerbate an unhealthy bonding between mother and son. Sam Vaknin, author of Malignant Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited, also agrees that the mother looms large in the makings of a narcissist, who frequently will have difficulty relating to women in a healthy way as an adult as well:

Mother creates a situation of "folie a deux" (the mother and child united against external threats), or an atmosphere (possibly) suffused with sexual and erotic insinuations, leading to an (unhealthy emotional or) psychosexual bonding between mother and child.

In this case, the adult's ability to interact with members of the opposite sex is gravely impaired

When you are around parents of special needs children, you will see a lot of "whatever the child wants, the child is accommodated," by the mother, since it's the two of them against the world. As young adults those special needs children can also exhibit many narcissistic traits.

So it seems that there are at least two factors that may have led to the development of narcissistic traits in Oscar Pistorius. One is the fact that parents of special needs children over-compensate for their children because they don't want their children to feel like they are missing out on anything. The other factor is that his mother had a troubled relationship with his father whom she divorced when Osacr was just 6 years old, and this led to her fixation on Oscar as the apple of her eye, probably even before the divorce. This last factor is very common in the development of narcissistic personality disorder.

As a mommy's boy, with an absent dad in his life, or for sure a strained relationship with him, Oscar also became a womanizer and the boy-friend from hell. It is clear that Oscar wasn't used to getting no for an answer, so when Reeva finally said she was leaving (as the prosecutor charges), and she was about to end the relationship as I postulated in my previous article, he lost it and killed her.

Unfortunately, the abusive nature of narcissistic personality disorder often hides behind the mask of charm, and their sneaky abusive nature doesn't get exposed until major damage is done. Their transition from charm to harm, their volatile mood swings, and true nature doesn't get acknowledged, and instead is frequently excused away. We need to hold these people accountable for their actions, long before they act out in such monstrous ways.

At least one friend had the courage to come forward, though belatedly, to testify against Pistorius and his reckless behavior.