Goodbye, Oprah we hardly knew ye, or Hello, Cousin!
It turns out Oprah and I are cousins. This is a result of a very common hospital error where a teenager gives birth to twins - or triplets - they are either separated at birth - or an evil nurse kidnaps a darling baby and raises her as her own, until: epiphany time. It happens. It’s just like a scene from Steve Martin’s “The Jerk” According to TV and radio, the National Enquirer and the Huffington Post, this happens all the time.
Oprah and I are Like Twins - Twice Removed
Oprah and I both love books, book clubs, orphanages and John Travolta. We have battled the demons of weight gain. She hires battalions of chefs, exercise gurus, trainers, doctors (Oz and Phil) and wardrobe geniuses. I run half marathons and delete wheat. Voila.
She has a hundred “Favorite Things” Me too! While she is a designer-loving- diva with a penchant for heaps of diamonds, cashmere, Christian Louboutin shoes, and Neiman Marcus everything, I default to TJ Maxx for the same.
Coincidentally, we both enjoy Santa Barbara. I frequent the Fess Parker Doubletree Santa-Barbara. And she has the far more glamorous, estate- mega-mansion next to Rob Lowe. Similar tastes- runs in the family.
Going Steady, Man
Oprah has a tall, dark, handsome boyfriend, Stedman. He, too, has only one name. And he is smart enough to wait in the wings. He is the ultimate behind-the-scenes beau. She trots him out for Kennedy Center events and the Emmys. Me, too kind of. My beau is also waiting in the wings. We have so much in common.
Like Lucy and Ethel- best friends Gayle
Having a best girlfriend to discuss current events, dating, men, CNN, romance, Charlie Rose, daily news, the Arts, kissing, and literature is the best. Oprah has a best friend named Gayle- and, so do I. More evidence.
Whereas Oprah is truly the big fish in the sea, and I am a mere guppy, (think, her Moby Dick -and I mean this in the best sense- to my Nemo) we are related. I have spent more time watching her than any of my real cousins. Ever.
As her wonderful TV show comes to a screeching halt- and all that portends- I am so glad to know we are related; and that my distant cousin’s niece’s Aunt-in-law knew the nurse, who knew the neighbor of the friend of the guard, who knew of the teenager. It all makes so much sense. Oprah, see you at the family reunion!
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