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One minute he is here and the next minute he is gone

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Dealing with loss during the holidays!

As I was cleaning my room today, I found a purple notebook in one of my drawers, in it was a journal from my dad. Although it was only four pages long it was completely shocking to me……my dad passed away 4 years ago. I was feeling so sad mourning a dear friend who moved away, wondering why life can be so difficult and unexpected, and then there it was the “purple notebook.”

I opened this journal marked August 31/2006, my father never was one to write so it was very shocking. In 2005 my father was diagnosed with a rare bladder cancer, and told by his doctors that he would be lucky to live over a year, but he lived 5 years. This was a man that was so full of life, a man that could walk into a room and make others laugh. He was a fighter, he did not want to die. As I read the journal the first sentence was “I love my wife”, they had been married for 45 years and then he wrote “I love my kids and I love my 4 grandchildren, life is good”.

Here he was getting treatment in Mexico for his rare cancer which was very unpleasant. He wanted to live so he could be here for his wife, two children and four grandchildren…..

As I read through the journal, he writes more, while undergoing chemo, and other meds to help his immune system get stronger, he writes, “I feel good, I feel great, I am alive!”

WOW, I thought that my life was painful, a day of sadness not wanting to get out of bed, but I did and cleaned my room and went through every old piece of paper, clothing, memories and threw out 5 bags of trash, still feeling sorry for myself, suddenly there is the journal.

This journal that my dad wrote in 2006, was about gratitude for what he had, his life, his family, it made me appreciate what I did have. It made me realize that life is not easy, life can be difficult and there is time of pain, and growth, loss and recovery but it is your attitude that gets through it. My dad reminded me that I should be grateful for what I do have and not be sad for what I don’t have. With the holiday coming I know that for many people it can be a wonderful time, but for others it can be a time of great sorrow and pain. I have spent four holiday under my sheets, if you are like me why not take those sheets off and be grateful for what you do have and appreciate all of those around you, and have a happy holiday!

Thanks for the reminder dad!!

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