OMTL: Day 15 provocations

Be quick to listen!                                     Photo--girlshealth.gov

In Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, he discusses a Native American listening technique called the talking stick. The person with the stick gets to talk until he or she feels understood. After that, the stick is passed. If you don’t have the stick, you job is to listen—really listen—to the point that the person with the stick feels that you understand them. Understanding does not necessarily mean agreement. It is simply understanding. You don’t ask for the stick unless the person with it is ready to give it up. You may get the stick more than once, but only after all others feel understood.

Here is today’s provocation. Get one or two other people that you care about. Explain this process to these people. 

·         Get a stick or the cardboard roll from some paper towels and try this with a topic of no concern to anyone. For example, how you feel about text messaging (hopefully this is not too dramatic for anyone). Make sure that everyone gets to say all they want and the fell understood before they give up the stick. Really listen when it’s your turn to listen. The only things you should say would be for clarification or confirmation of understanding. You don’t get to say what you think until the other person is understood and gives you the talking stick.

·         Take a short break and make sure everyone knows the rules to what just happened.

·         Now do the same thing with a topic, issue, problem, or misunderstanding that has hurt your relationship. Stick to the rules so that everyone is heard and understood. Commit to doing this for as long as it takes until everyone is understood. 

If you really did this with the intent to understand others first, it probably seemed exhausting while you were doing it; however, you should physically feel a burden lifted from you. You countenance will change for the better.

Now, make the time and arrange to do this with all of your most important relationships—even those that you think are ok. Listening is liberating!