The Balrog eats all style it comes in contact with.
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Jeremie Paret is someone who apparently has no set path (and no sense); the man has gone from magazine editor to car designer, and the results all belong in this column. Hey, at least now we know that THAT is a career jump not easily made. Have a look at his latest creation, based on one of the most vision-impairing vehicles of all time, the Cayenne. It’s named the Balrog, and it is as ugly as the monster it’s named after. Let me remind you, this guy’s got a whole firm working to create things like this, so now we know there's at least one person committed to keeping this column alive and running. Thank you, Monsieur Paret.
Geiger Cars is the German importer/tuner behind retina-searing rockets like the Z06 GT biTURBO. This is good. But then again, they’re also behind eyesores like this H2 (do people still buy these?). Featuring a two-tone coffee-like paint scheme and 30-inch compensation rims, they call it the Latte Macciatto. I call it nauseating. If you fancy this sort of awfulness, head over here for the press release. And don’t ever come back. 
Those silly Russians, always trying to make their cars unique by utterly destroying any sort of style that may have once been there. What was most likely once a run-of-the-mill W124 E-Class has been turned into a space ship abomination. The only explanation for this? Vodka-goggles.
When you hear the term royal family, wealth and classy discretion usually come to mind. I mean, these aren’t the sort of people who drive around in gold-plated Bimmers like Russian mobsters, right? Well, the Royal Family of Abu Dhabi has decided to prove me wrong, coming damn close with their custom G-Wagen. Tuned by A.R.T. (which is insulting the concept of art) and named the AS55K YAAS Edition (more like ASS edition, BAM!), this one’s a real doozy. For all the tacky details (especially the front end), check out the gallery below or look over here. Images: Jeremie Paret and A.R.T. via Carscoop ; English Russia via Jalopnik ; Geiger Cars via World Car Fans (which always seems to get the full press releases)
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