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Office Rodeo daze

Executives proudly showing their spittoons. Really?
Executives proudly showing their spittoons. Really?

The Houston Livestock show and Rodeo is a BIG deal in Houston. Events this year include: March 10th Salute to Our Troops, March 11th Llama and Alpaca Parade, March 15th Paint the Rodeo Pink, March 2nd – 21st the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo, and even an April 24th Golf Tournament (see the calendar of events for the entire listing).
Houston Livestock show and Rodeo:
There is one part of the Livestock show and Rodeo that is truly bothersome: “Cowboy days” at the majority of offices throughout our city. Yes, I support the Houston Livestock show/Rodeo and have eaten my fair share of deep-fried Twinkies and funnel cakes, but… do I really have to dress up as a cowboy at work?
REAL cowboys: castrate cattle, check the breeding capabilities of their stock, spit tobacco, and drink copious amounts of beer. They take their Wrangler jeans and shirts to the dry cleaners to get double and triple amounts of starch added to ensure creases in their clothing that can cut flesh. Real cowboys carry knives, ropes, and gloves…’cuz you never know when you’ll need any of these items. But, contrary to popular belief, real cowboys do NOT wear extra-tight jeans. Can you imagine mounting a horse when you can’t swing your leg up and over without self-inflicting prostate wounds?
My boss will not allow me to do ANY of these activities in my office.
FAKE cowboys:  Were once cheerleaders at Andover and used their ranch for political purpose (then moved to an exclusive neighborhood in Dallas afterward to avoid “dealing with” the ranch!). Fake cowboys do not wear trucker hats and greasy t-shirts. They use hairspray. Real cowboys dance to Garth, Conway, and a myriad of country & western music. They two-step, they do not line-dance. Fake cowboys dance to Britney Spears, Lady GaGa and do the “Electric Slide”.  Fake cowboys do not have much of a “package” and can therefore wear jeans as tight as a second layer of skin. They will almost never be in a hurry to remove them, so it’s not really an issue.
At work, if you asked a real cowboy to do a task, he’s reply, “Yes Ma’am” with the utmost respect and get the job done. A fake cowboy might whine about it, add it to their PDA or ask their executive assistant to schedule a project meeting to discuss the matter.
Not only is it difficult to deal with clients dressed as a fake cowboy at work, but it is also demeaning. The UPS guy giggles at my neck scarf. My $10 cowboy hat, purchased at Toys ‘R Us, has a defective string, which requires continuous tying. The plastic 6-shooters attached to my belt get snagged on desk drawers.
Then there’s the matter of “Cowboy day’s” luncheon. Why must we eat SO many recipes with beans? It’s not funny. Instead of everyone being sleepy 1 hour after lunch, limiting productivity, the office suffers from a gaseous cloud that creates: watering eyes, extended bathroom stall waiting times and even random gagging. There is no logical reason that a celebration of our city’s big event should lead to an increase in office sick days.
This year, I’m prepared. If my office insists on dressing to support the HLSR…I’m going as Mary J. Blige (sponsored by Kroger – March 5th, 2010).
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  • Sami 5 years ago

    The bull testicles, and that leg end table~~scary. I personally try to stay home as much as possible during rodeo time lol. When my daughters & I ride the train this time of year, I feel like we're in .... Wyoming or somewhere in the middle of ... Montana lol.

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