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Obama announces new terrorism policy (H.E. B.A.D.)

Barack Obama playing golf
(Photo by Cory Lum - Pool/Getty Images)

The Obama administration has unveiled a new anti-terrorism policy to go with their philosophy of talking nicely to cold-blooded killers in the hope they will be nice to us. The new policy will involve Obama and all of his appeasers crossing their fingers, closing their eyes and loudly wailing, "Please, please, please, don't let any bombs explode in the U.S. until we are out of office!" Homeland Security Chief, Jack Bauer announced this policy has been in effect for some time and has worked so well it was time to go public with the announcement. Eric Holder quipped, "Works for me!"

The program, dubbed "Hope Every Bomb's A Dud" (H.E. B.A.D.) by Obama, is thought by the administration to potentially save taxpayers nearly one trillion dollars in national defense and homeland security costs over the first 10 years. The CBO (Congressional Budget Office) noted their savings has not been finalized as yet, due to conflicting data submitted by the administration. Nevertheless, their initial examination leads them to believe the possibility is there for the savings. When asked when the CBO would receive the needed information, Obama scolded reporters and snarled, "Information becomes a distraction and a diversion. They need to listen to me!"

In a related story, Defense Secretary, Chuck Hagel announced he is proposing massive cuts in defense spending. Hagel said much of our military appears to be superfluous now when you take into account Obama's policies of announcing our intentions to our enemies and apologizing for all of his perceived past transgressions by America.

Furthermore, Hagel reminded everyone how the world has stood down from the militarism of the past, now that the great peacemaker, Barack Hussein Obama has taken to the world stage and eliminated all militant terms and radicalism from the American lexicon and from the world’s memory.

In an unrelated (or possibly related) story, seismologists were mystified by unexplained earth tremors occurring in the area of our original thirteen colonies. Intelligence officials quickly allayed fears when one sharp cookie realized it was only the Founding Fathers turning over in their graves.

Jim Mullen

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