Yesterday evening, a naked man was shot to death by police after he attempted to eat someone's face in Palm Beach County, Florida. Well, that should probably be phrased, "Yesterday evening, yet another naked man was shot by police after attempting some cannibalism."
According to the Palm Beach post, here's how it went down: Last night, around 8:30, an unidentified naked gentleman was walking up the street near Delray Beach when he attacked a 66-year-old retired police officer for reasons unknown (but I think I'm pretty safe in assuming drugs had something to do with it).
Without breaking stride, the nude dude continued to the Colony Hotel and Cabana Club, where he proceeded to terrorize a man and his 10-year-old son, chasing the two around the venue. From there, the anonymous nudist (who, again, was probably loaded) struck up a fight with a teenager who, in true Florida fashion, was able to defend himself with the box cutter he apparently keeps on him for just such occasions.
Of course, with Florida's history, who could blame the teen for keeping some protection handy? Last night's events bring to mind a similar attack that occurred in Miami in 2012, when Rudy Eugene ate a healthy portion of a hobo's face while high on bath salts. Fortunately, Eugene's victim lived through the ordeal. Unfortunately, he now looks like this.
It should also be noted, for those people who cried "zombie" when Eugene's case came to national attention, that his homeless victim, Ronald Poppo, has exhibited no outward signs of moaning, shuffling or unexpected gnawing in the two years since the attack.
The similarities between the two cases are still eerie, though. Both assailants got their munch on while stark naked, both men were violent for apparently no reason, and both men were eventually killed by Florida police. Of course, can you blame authorities here? Who wants to get with in baton range of that mess?
Whether this shooting is just another outward sign of Florida's growing drug epidemic (they love themselves some heroin in Florida) or another random case of horrifying violence (which are common in the state) remains to be seen.
Regardless, I think it's time we all come to a consensus on the Florida problem, people. Either we acknowledge that the state has secretly been overrun by zombies and no one is telling us, in which case we need to quarantine the place for humanity's benefit or it's time for Utah and Mississippi (the two most charitable states, believe it or not) to join forces for a serious intervention.
We're worried about you Florida. Come back to us.