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No Virginia, you do not have to eat your vegetables

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The light shined as I stumbled into a very simple web site filled with profound enlightenment. I found the “Vegetable-Free Living” web site authored by Roger M. Wilcox. I don't know why or how I hadn't found this site ages ago. At first I thought the site was too good to be true, that it must be a spoof of some kind to appeal to and fool those who don't like eating vegetables, and then somewhere on the site a disclaimer would appear saying the author of the web site really does agree with Michelle Obama that we all must eat our veggies. But I looked, and read, and looked, and read, and no such disclaimer. The web site is the real deal, just what it says. The web site, in a simple and easy-to-read format, tells the whole world the message we've waiting to hear, the message that we don't have to listen to that trite pabulum Michelle Obama is preaching, and we do not have to eat vegetables!

Let freedom ring! Don't even pretend to think you should eat vegetables or promise your family members that you'll eat them and then not eat them. Stand up loud and proud and proclaim, like Dr. Seuss, I Will Not Eat Green Eggs and Ham. Sam I am.

Oh wait, that's Green Eggs and Ham. But come to think of it, have you ever really seen eggs or ham that are green? Of course not, but many vegetables, the ones that really are gross and disgusting to eat (come on, admit it, even if you like them, you know I”m right, and Roger is right) in fact are green. Remember how adults think they can fool kids into eating something they don't like, by telling them it's actually another food, one they do like. So if they don't like tuna, but they do like chicken, you serve the tuna and tell them that's just another kind of chicken and parents think this fools them into eating it. I think that's what the story of “green eggs and ham” is really all about. It wasn't eggs or ham that Sam didn't like, because eggs and ham are some of the most filled with flavor and delicious foods we eat. What could be better than some scrambled eggs, with cheese in them, and ham for breakfast? Or even better yet, substitute some bacon for that ham. Yes, bacon!

So remember, while Dr. Seuss called them Green Eggs and Ham, they were really vegetables. And on that note, I can wholeheartedly agree. I Do Not Like Green Eggs and Ham. I do not like them, Sam I am. I will not eat them in times of war, I will not eat them with a boar. I will not eat them in times of peace, urge me to eat them you must cease. I Do Not Like, Green Eggs and Ham! Michelle Obama would have a stroke thinking about eating bacon!

Roger's web site, Vegetable-Free Living, has an intro page and five chapters. Here's how he introduces the subject on the intro page, “I am vegephobic. I hate vegetables. They are foul-smelling, foul-tasting, and posessed of a texture that seems scientifically engineered to make me cringe. I recoil at the very thought of having to eat vegetables. In short, vegetables are evil. And I suspect that many of you reading this page feel the same way.”

Amen brother, Amen, and pass the ketchup, my favorite vegetable. Like you, I think good tomato sauce on a pizza or with spaghetti is a must too. Even spices are okay too, and they're healthy, and they're all the vegetables we need.

The second chapter debunks the popular myth that vegetables are necessary. While Roger doesn't say so, I suspect this chapter doesn't sit well with the corporate food interests who promote the vegetables are necessary for human life myth. Come to think of it, how much are these special interest groups paying to Michelle Obama to promote her ugly and misleading propaganda crusade to demonize good foods like butter, cream, milk, eggs, and of course, good old red meat?

The second chapter is where Roger proves that vegetables are evil. For those who would be concerned about not eating evil foods, this might convince them. How many vegetable and salad products have been recalled during the last few years for being contaminated with the poisonous e coli bacteria? We're told to over cook our red meat into shoe leather because of an alleged e coli scare, and yet's the vegetables that are far more likely to infect us with e coli should be eaten raw. Skip the salad and cook up a gigantic steak if you want to keep from getting sick.

In chapter 3, Roger documents just what exactly is a vegetable, even carefully negotiating the food nuances of corn, which is a vegetable when it's on the cob, or still maintains it's properties of being on the cob. But when it's dried, processed, or even turned into popcorn, it's no longer a vegetable. So enjoy the popcorn, the corn muffins, or the Doritos corn chips or Fritos, because those are not vegetables!

If you dare to discuss this issue with family members or friends, remember that they are still likely brainwashed by vegetable orthodoxy! They may ridicule you or just laugh at you, and just dismiss you as ranting nonsense again. They might even ask if you've stopped taking meds. Or need to be on meds, because they can't imagine Vegetable-Free Living. Roger liberates you here again in chapter 4, and gives you verbal ammunition on how to agree with and deal with the anti-vegephobe prejudice, and especially the obnoxious vegetarians and vegans who will condemn you for eating anything other than vegetables, especially meat. Ann Coulter once wrote a book titled, How to Argue with a Liberal, If You Must. Roger could have titled this chapter, How to With a Vegetarian Fanatic, If You Must.

And finally, he ends the chapters with the fifth chapter, a page of Vegetable-Free Recipes. This part could be expanded, and I”m tempted to add a page on my web site and called it something like Vegetable-Free Living II and link mine to his and add even more information and recipes for the vegephobic community.

Speaking for the vegephobic community, I salute Roger and his web site. One of the few communities, that is still politically correct to demonize, bash, and be prejudiced against, has a voice and its own web site, Vegetable-Free Living by Roger M. Wilcox. No Virginia, You Do Not Have to Eat Your Vegetables!

What a glorious day it is, to be free at least, and shout from the mountaintops, I Do Not Like Green Eggs and Ham! Now call Pizza Hut and order that large Peperoni Lovers Pan pizza. Or two of them. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Michelle Obama.

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