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No fairy tale: Healthy marriages are still a hard-working reality

Marriage is still worth the work
Marriage is still worth the work
Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images

Ask a skeptic, and they'll tell you that "healthy marriages" don't exist. They consider the notion a fairy tale. Their belief is based in the fact that they don't know of one personally. They've convinced themselves that not seeing something causes that something to cease existing. While it's understood that opinions are often based in what people see around them on a regular basis, we all must be willing to accept the fact that there are truths in the world that we may never experience in our lives personally.

Let's examine the misconception. People often assume that a healthy marriage is one with no issues, no disagreements and no struggle. This couldn't be further from the truth. A marriage is a lot like the human body. It's healthy when taken care of. That means doing things to keep from ever being sick.

However, during those moments when we do get sick, we don't just lay down and wait to die. We see a doctor. We medicate ourselves. We even have surgery if necessary and remove some things that are causing us pain and discomfort. We do whatever it takes to regain our health. That's the sign of a healthy marriage.

It's not two people that act as though they don't have a problem in the world in order to fool people on the outside looking in. It is two people that are in the struggle together, willing to celebrate their days of good health, but also willing to nurse what they have back to health when things aren't their best.

Those that fear marriage are often fearing the work more than the actual commitment. If the idea is to find someone that we won't argue with, how will we ever accomplish that? We don't have friends and family that we never clash with. Isn't it unfair and unrealistic to expect such a thing from our mates? Those that seek perfection must first prove to be perfect. If we can't provide perfection, we're wrong for requesting it.

If we're willing to work our bodies in order to stay in great health, we should be willing to do the same in order to maintain a healthy marriage. Problems have solutions, and those that are in successful and healthy marriages understand this. So when asked how they're keeping it together, when they tell you "Hard work", that's not just some cop out or generic answer. A healthy marriage has that simple answer to all of it's complicated issues.

For some reason, marriage has become the Rubik's cube of our society, so complicated that rather than continue to work at it, we discard it in the box of toys that we never plan to pick up again. But like anything else that we do in life, we're only successful when we refuse to give in to failure. Yes, marriage is just like all other challenges in life. Success comes to those willing to succeed. But if you come into the game with doubt in your head, you're already defeated.

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