Office policy around the nation advises employees on appropriate attire in the work place. No short skirts. No tank tops. No see through clothing or flip-flops. No jeans and no piercings outside of standard ear piercing. The list goes on. But what about erect nipples?
Men aren’t allowed or encouraged to walk around a business office with a boner (imagine that for a moment), so why are women shamelessly showing their jumbly peckers for all the world to see? I know I feel mortified when this happens. It’s as if I’m standing before the whole world naked. Men see it and lose their train of thought; that train just pulls right out of the station with no passengers aboard. Women see it and whisper behind the nipply one’s back. “Doesn’t she have any shame?”
Some might argue that women can’t help it. They get cold so the nipples pucker. Well, men get aroused just as easily and their danglers rise to the linen surface trying to break free! So what? If men have to sit still behind their desks and think of Roseanne Barr -Arnold- Barr, whatever, to deflate their dipsticks, then why can’t women just put their warm hands over their mounds until the frost melts? Wear a sweater, even? You know, there are padded inserts for bras now made just for this particular problem. They’re inexpensive and easy to use.
Now, I can hear feminists rising up with righteous indignation over this issue. Why should women have to cover their nipples? Nipples are natural! Nipples are a symbol of femininity. In answer, boners are natural. Boners are a symbol of male virility, and we still don’t want to see one walking around the office! (or should I say "pointing" the way?)
Let’s face it; some women have larger nipples than others, and the larger the nipple erections, the more of a distraction they become. Besides that, they’re a health hazard to co-workers. The nipple bearer could turn too quickly and put out an eye. Try explaining that to the doctor. Talk about “pink eye”!
More articles by M. Gwynn
Hot, Cold-Blooded, Drop Dead Sexy Vampires
TMI - Some People Just Can't Shut Up
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All articles by Michele Gwynn are under copyright and cannot be reposted in part of whole without written permission by the author. For permission, email megwynn@msn.com.
Comments
I love Roseanne Barr!!! Her show (seasons 1 through 7) was the best television has ever seen!
I must say, another great read! This one along with the "grannie panties" article are top notch! Also, I think you should repost the article about the woman who doesn't like for her boyfriend to eat at her restaurant or take a trip downtown then come back uptown! I'd be interested in what people may have to say about that one!!
Keep up the great work Michele!!
Great article! I will only wear padded bras because of this little problem. My mother always argues with me that 'poppers' are natural/normal/everyone has it happen, but I already get enough people staring at my (naturally very well endowed) chest without the girls jumping out and shouting "Look at me!" I'm totally stealing your boner comeback the next time my mom and I clash about this.
1. I am a feminist
2. I am always cold in air conditioning
3. I have worn a slightly padded bra since maybe 7th grade to avoid what my then boyfriend called, "Highbeams on my Headlights." I have never forgotten that saying and it still brings back that 7th grade mortification we all know.
4. It is difficult to always find a padded bra over a C cup and I've discovered that most chain drug stores also sell inserts at less than $4 a pair.
5. Lady, you always make me laugh my head off. xoxo
I used to work in this place where there was a woman with huge lovely breasts - who worked at the desk opposite me - sometimes she would thrust out her boobs in fullview of me when stretching herself- but i tried to keep my eyes on my work and not to be distracted - i felt embarrassed to oogle - i didnt have a problem with not staring
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