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NFL Preseason Week 1 fantasy takeaways

Still terrible..
Still terrible..
Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images

Most fantasy football owners don't pay attention to the NFL preseason until about week 3. We'll call them suckers. Every NFL team in action in Week 1, including handfuls of people you've heard of, simply cannot be ignored. For those fools waiting for actual starters to take the field, the following represent just a few of the semi-relevant developments they missed, and shall be the reason they embarrass themselves on Draft Day:

Matt Schaub is now an Oakland Raider; at least he's currently on the roster. He also played in the first preseason game. Lots of teams will run out newly acquired veterans to help them acclimate, though Schaub's debut was more of a tryout. He performed admirably, for a Raider, completing 3 of 7 passes, for 21 yards. Schaub, and equal QB standout David Carr, are Oakland's problem. Don't let them be yours.

Another takeaway from the Raider/Viking game: on the very first play from scrimmage, the Raiders committed a penalty. Enjoy 2014 boys.

The gaping wound left by Matt Schaub in Houston is being filled quite capably by former Bills QB, Ryan Fitzpatrick. The Texans' new albatross went 0-for-3 with an interception in the 1st quarter, on his way to a 14.6 passer rating for the day. The Texans didn't give anything away on defense, though, except points. The Arizona Cardinals performed beautifully against the defending worst team in the league. Reserve judgement until they play a team with some respect for the game.

The Cleveland Browns unveiled the much anticipated Johnny Manziel, who did not disappoint. Well, he didn't do much of anything. Tyler Thigpen and Brian Hoyer did even less, and if this mediocrity continues Johnny Football will have yawned his way into the starting role. Currently, the Browns' chances of winning the 2014 Super Bowl are slightly better than the Raiders, and slightly worse than the likelihood of a rabbit surviving a tiger attack.

Follow the San Diego Fantasy Football Examiner's indispensable snark all year long, or at least until he bashes your favorite team.