Eventually, a new girl is going to start asking questions about your history. Some of your past is straightforward and can be discussed there and then. The rest of your history might be trickier to disclose, so you'll have to be selective about which details to reveal and which should stay in the vault. I surely hope that most of you have had this discussion before getting married.
But it seems that I still from time to time hear newlywed couple, mainly the new wife, asking questions about the past. I say no, don’t talk about the ex’s. Besides, if he married YOU, than you’re already one up on the others anyway. Plus most think that it is inappropriate. Everyone has a past.
Some of it is great and we want the world to know of our triumphs and achievements, while other parts of it might not be something to be proud of. Our experiences may have made us who we are today, but we don't necessarily want to shout about all of them from the rooftops. I am not even sure why anyone would want to know about the ex’s anyway.
A new or older marriage is going to come new stressor that you will have plenty of time to argue about, why add arguing over stuff that is died and buried. One question most women will push is how many women you've slept with. Can I ask why, why would you set yourself up like that? It's also one question you should avoid asking or answering like the plague.
There is no good answer to this. If you’ve slept with too few, she'll think you're inexperienced and sheltered. If you’ve slept with too many, she’ll assume you're a player just looking to add some notches to your bedpost. Just know that your husband loves you, your wife loves you, recreate your own fun and exciting things to do.
Avoid answering by insisting it doesn't matter. Tell her all that is in the past and it doesn't matter now because you're with her. If she's forcing the issue, clichés such as “You're the only one who matters” or jokingly insisting she was your first could get you out of it. Similarly, don't express any interest in her number. If you are his or her #1 right now and till death do you part…drop it.
Day in and day out couples bicker over yesterday so much that they lose focus on today. Many women ask questions about a man’s past relationships to try and figure out what kind of boyfriend/husband he'll be. How should you handle her dabble in private investigation? Simply don't go into too much detail. Besides, ladies, if she was a total witch he’s probably going to treat you better anyway.
Guys, you just maybe the man she’d been looking for all along and you’re going to get to reap that benefit. But yet we’ll mess it all up by starting fights about the ex’s, what gives? It's important to show you aren't still emotionally involved in the relationship, which means you shouldn't recount every little thing she did to hurt you.
When giving a reason for the breakup, stick to generalities, such as “We were heading in different directions” or “We just outgrew each other,” rather than a blow-by-blow account of every argument you had. And for sure do not describe a wonder weekend you spent some where the ex’s and suggest she allow you to take her there.
That is a No No in anyone’s book. Each one of us carries our past emotional wounds. This wound can ooze and open when confronted with the energy of the same experience that brings up our lack of love. Every relationship or experience that brings up the same void in us can trigger us to shut down part of our heart, creating walls like armor.
We are all energy and we can feel someone's depression suppressed or projected. We can also feel people when they shut down abandoning us emotionally creating an uncomfortable experience in us of fear or self-doubt. So I am in no way suggesting that you deny what hurtful feelings that were created in a previous relationship. If you do, they can have a negative effect on your new relationship/marriage. Concentrate on healing from those feelings, not who created them.
Comments