Skip to main content
Report this ad

Newly single in the New Year...Readers' Request

From the desk of...
From the desk of...
photo courtesy of sheilasultani

Until now!  Looking for the courage to invest in or just investigate a new relationship?  You are not alone in your hesitation.

Readers are responding to a new year by questioning whether it's a chance to start anew or retrench.  A productive idea for both?  Resume looking and/or dating.  Think of it as taking job interviews you have little interest in for the sheer practice and confidence.  Lather, rinse and repeat.

The benefits outweigh the risks, even if you are feeling vulnerable.  I'm hearing quite a bit of caution on the part of readers who are newly single.  And they are pretty clear as to why.  The last relationship didn't end well and it's hard to imagine a new one faring any better.

A break-up is death and taxes, something no one avoids over a lifetime.  But the ended long-term relationship is a Life Event.  A crossroad.  Which way to turn?

Some folks have some ideas as to why the old relationship ended, others have less to go on.  A few (dreaded) exchanges with ex may de-tangle some of the issues.  Sometimes an ex just "changes" their mind about what they want.

Decode the I-messages and walk on.  With some reflection (possible more than the Two-Week Reflection), you may find that you yourself have some regrets about your own role in the breakup.

But those regrets, in keeping with our goal to develop conflict resolution confidence, probably reflect aspects you were denying yourself and that's the most important discovery to make.  By gratifying yourself, you make yourself a desirable partner.

Which brings us to "Should I or shouldn't I?"  In this world of multi-tasking, believe that you can pursue a fulfilling relationship with yourself while doing the same with another person.  You are worth it.  You always were and always will be.

That's just the single fact. and let me know where you stand at the crossroad now.


Report this ad