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New Year, New You: Getting out of a rut

It's time for change...
It's time for change...
Photo By: graur razvan ionut

Dr. John Gottman, in 1999, discussed the importance of bids and turning towards your loved ones.  Today, his web site,, totes seminars and self-guide books to help troubled couples move forward in their relationships. Some of these ideas revolve around the idea that re-learning old habits in a more positive perspective can actually improve a relationship, from merely bored to hopelessly hanging on.  Repair behaviors can help a couple not only learn to stop putting out negative attention, but to also increase the positive that they output.

Bids can be a vicious cycle once a couple starts to ignore each other. Turning away or turning offensive can only lead to more animosity. Negotiation techniques deem that an eye for an eye is not the most advantageous method. More so, mimicking the actions of your partner is also more likely to bring you to a compromise. In fact, giving out more positive than you are receiving will eventually lead to a positive response, if you can have some patience. But how can you put out more positive energy when you're already running on empty?

Basically, you start by learninghow  to negotiate better. After taking each other for granted, maybe you  have stopped learning more about your loved one.  Looking at Gottman's repair techniques can provide couples with opportunities they would otherwise not experience. Learning to talk to your spouse all over again can only be a good thing, if people are willing to try.  As the New Year rolls in, think about how you would like your relationship to be different.  Make promises to your spouse to meet more than half way each time.  What's important to you?  I challenge you to make that change today. 

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