It’s 2013 and no doubt many of us have adapted the ‘New Year – New You’ campaign. Often, that involves us taking stock of our relationships and deciding if they are really everything we need them to be. We women are emotional creatures and we can be upset and think that there’s no way our relationship is going to work one minute and then turn around and feel like we’ve found the love of our lives the next. But, when you’re evaluating your relationship from a logical standpoint instead of an emotional one, what are some of the best ways to know whether it’s healthy or not. There are 7 great ways to tell if it might be time for a fresh start in 2013.
1. You don’t feel as if he deserves you. Do you hesitate to tell people that you are dating because you know they won’t understand? Do you friends and family tell you that he’s not good enough for you? Well, everybody can’t be wrong. When you start to feel it for yourself, then it’s time to examine exactly why you feel that way. Are you both at the same level or are you an educated woman making your own money, driving a Mercedes and he’s hanging out at your condo watching your dog while you go to work every day?
2. Do you trust each other? Do you feel uncomfortable every time he says he’s going out with his friends? Do you believe that he’s actually up to no good? A little jealousy is natural and you know how to check yourself when it’s unwarranted. But, if you just have that nagging feeling that he’s not being straight with you, you need to investigate why you’re feeling that way. Similarly, if he’s going through your phone and discouraging you from spending time with your friends because he doesn’t trust you – that’s not good either. It’s true that trust has to be earned, but as a mature person in a relationship; you also have to make the decision whether you are going to trust someone or not.
3. Do you have fun together? If you constantly hang out with your friends and he hangs out with his when it’s time to have fun, that could be a bad sign. While having your own friends is healthy, do you feel like you have nothing in common with your significant other and when you want to let your hair down, you don’t want him anywhere around? In order to build a bond, you have to create memories together. You should genuinely like spending time with each other.
4. Is the relationship one-sided? Are you the cook, the housekeeper, the masseuse, and the breadwinner in your relationship? Do you feel as if you’re the only one that sacrificing? Both people bring different gifts into the relationship, but it should still be an equal distribution. If you’re a stay at home mom and he’s making the money, chances are that you cook, clean and help him be the best man he can be. This works both ways. What is he bringing to the table? Is it something that you actually want?
5. Is he supportive/proud of you? When you’re out as a couple, does he only talk about his accomplishments and what he’s working on. Or, does he brag about you when he gets the chance. A great couple is one that promotes each other’s brands. You want someone that is so proud of you that he can’t keep it in.
6. How do you argue? All couples argue and there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, experts say that it’s healthy to learn how to handle disputes with each other. There’s a right way and a wrong way to argue, however. When you’re mad at each other, do you aim below the belt and say hurtful things. When something is said in confidence during intimate moments, do you use that information against each other when you’re angry. If so, experts say that’s not the way to go. Think about the way you handle disputes with your child. When you’re upset with them, you tell them why you’re mad and you discuss ways to rectify the situation. You don’t say things to hurt them and you certainly don’t emasculate them – hopefully. You should never say things to the one you love that they will never get past. That will only breed resentment.
7. Are you friends? When something goes wrong at work, is he the first person you want to call or the last? When that new restaurant opens up downtown, are you excited to go there and experience it with him? Can you talk to him about anything? Does he know your deepest dreams, your goals? Does he know that what your favorite book is? Your favorite food? He should.