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New ramp options on 836/Palmetto bring confusion yet glee to drivers

Miami-Dade drivers get new reasons to throw finger to other drivers
Miami-Dade drivers get new reasons to throw finger to other drivers
Fl-gov.dot

Traffic in Miami-Dade County just got a little easier this weekend with the opening of new access ramps and patterns for the combined 826/836 roadway. The mega project which has been ongoing since 1976 and will probably finish sometime in the next century will allow drivers more ways to screw up traffic in the area. fl-gov.dot

The 836 which is also known as the East/West Expressway or the Turnpike Extension or the Generalissimo Hernando ‘Baby’ Rodriguez overpass or the Mayor William ‘Buster’ Johnson Freeway or the Don Strock Pass through or the Gloria and Emilio Estefan Flyover will now have more choices for drivers than there are dead voters in Miami-Dade County.

The 826 also known as the “Palmetto’, the only roadway in America named after a roach, will remain basically the same except for a ramp that will funnel drivers to the Kissimmee-St Cloud exit without the need to stop for directions.

The enhanced interchange will offer drivers new reasons to utilize their smart phones to help guide them through the dozens of choices per second they’ll need to make as they commute.

Oscar Gonzalez, spokesperson for the interchange project, urges “drivers pay attention to the signs”, which will be initially printed in 12 languages with 4 more added next month.

The project, a joint venture between the Florida D.O.T. and the children’s board game ‘Chutes and Ladders’ will unfortunately have a glitch that will be addressed in the Spring of 2016 says Gonzalez, “The additional exits for northbound traffic on the Palmetto precluded any Southbound exiting, but we’re working on that. The plans for that portion were discovered behind a file cabinet in one of the trailers and the worker responsible is now the district supervisor for the D.O.T. where he can’t do any more harm.”

“We don’t think the new configurations will be able to handle more traffic but it will give drivers an unprecedented view of the runway at MIA. This may cause slowdowns as drivers take a quick picture of planes landing but as they get used to handling their cell phone cameras ‘on the fly’ we think the flow will get back to normal”, which he added with a laugh, “should be about 12 mph.”