Skip to main content
  1. AXS Entertainment
  2. Arts & Entertainment
  3. Arts & Exhibits

Necromantic psychology: the zombie master's basic tool kit

The resurrected bodies of the dead naturally have a hunger for living flesh. What they don’t naturally have is the inclination to go after it. Without the control of the zombie master the necrotic corpse will simply stand in place, drooling and shedding rotting flesh on the floor. Indeed, without the influence of the zombie master, the zombies would never crawl out of their graves in the first place.

Let’s get one thing straight: Necromantic Psychology has more to do with the mind of the zombie master than of the zombies themselves, which have no minds.

So, where does an aspiring zombie master start?

The first thing the red-eyed ingénue needs to ascertain is what her army of reanimated corpses is going to accomplish for her. The usual agenda is annihilation of all human life on the planet, which the zombie master will then presumably be free to rule and roam at will.

This objective requires only several items in her arsenal.

Basic Tools for the Aspiring Zombie Master:

  1. Unquenchable hatred for humanity/desire for domination over all life (this is a given).
  2. Supply of corpses. Obtainable at local cemeteries (or do-it-yourself, in which case you’ll need a few more tools).
  3. Reanimation spell. Don't look in Harry Potter for this one! Check out the dusty upper shelves of old hole-in-the-wall bookstores like Red Letter on Pearl St. Even the Bookworm has a gem or two in their occult section. Looking on-line? Be careful, a lot of information out there is false, or worse - faulty (your reanimated corpses won’t be any good if they don’t have super-strength).
  4. Necromantic slavery spell and skill. The true test of a zombie master comes at this point. Anyone with a little pluck and verve can find a spell and raise the dead. Only someone with true talent can actually coerce an undead army to do her will instead of just standing there. For the right person, it will be easy. For the wrong one, it will be impossible
  5. Air fresheners.

The truly ambitious necromantic psychologist will have a great deal more in their arsenal, and may not even need to start with a pre-killed population of corpses, but for the basic beginner the above is a great place to start. Good luck!
 

Comments

Advertisement

Today's top buzz...

  • Ted Nugent
    Ted Nugent concert at Native American casino canceled because of obvious reasons
    Music Buzz
  • NFL
    Pat Bowlen steps down as Broncos owner following Alzheimer's diagnosis
    Video
    NFL Buzz
  • Tina Fey
    See why Tina Fey is possibly the most popular woman in comedy at the moment
    Today's Buzz
  • Mick Jagger
    Mick Jagger promotes 'Get On Up' in New York, including Apollo Theater premiere
    Camera
    20 Photos
  • Boyhood
    The new film 'Boyhood' chronicles twelve years of one boy's life
    Camera
    19 Photos
  • Buffy
    We're counting down ten of the finest episodes of ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’
    Camera
    7 Photos