We know a place where dreams come true - and it's not on a hillside with Carrie Underwood yodeling at the top of her little lungs about "Favorite Things."
At the Television Critics Association press tour on Jan. 19, NBC entertainment chairman Robert Greenblatt said they chose "Peter Pan" as the next musical to be broadcast live following the "Sound of Music Live."
"In the hopes that lightning strikes twice, we think we've landed on another great Broadway musical…that is a timeless classic for all audiences, young and old, who just never want to grow up," added Robert.
Translation courtesy of "Peter Pan" creator James Matthew Barrie: "Dreams do come true, if we only wish hard enough.You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it.” (Translation of that vis-à-vis NBC's decision: They secretly hope that Twitter doesn't come alive with the sound of hating on Peter Pan. Although we really, really liked the pizza tweets.)
So while Robert is wishing hard that he finds a lead better than Carrie Underwood (who was a terrific singer in "Sound of Music" but seemed to think that acting involves looking blankly into the eyes of Vampire Bill, er, we mean Stephen Moyer, who played the constipated Captain von Trapp), we propose the following candidates for Peter Pan:
- "I want Miley Cyrus," Robert reportedly joked, reported Entertainment Weekly on Jan. 19. But hey, we think she'd be ab-solutely fabulous. "Sound of Music" when done by NBC seemed to involve many, many close-ups of people's knees as they ran around wearing strange little shorts. So "Peter Pan" could involve lots of close-ups of tummies and tongues, making Miley the perfect candidate.
- A key song in "Peter Pan" is "I won't grow up." The choice is obvious: Charlie Sheen, whose theme song for life could be "I don't wanna grow up." Just drink some Tiger's Blood, Charlie, and you can fly.
However, here's the catch-22: By far the best part of "Sound of Music Live" was DiGiorno Pizza, who live tweeted the entire way-too-long event with tasty tiny tweets like:
"CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN, FORD EVERY STREAM, FOLLOW EVERY RAINBOW, UNTIL YOU FIND A SUPREME (PIZZA FROM DIGIORNOOOOOO)"
Oh, and it was such a bummer that "My Favorite Things" did not involve pizza.
So we're thinking that if NBC really wants to do better by "Peter Pan," they could find someone who is willing to eat pizza in Never Never Land. Because seriously, how could it be a place where dreams come true if there's no pizza?
Which sort of leaves out Miley, who is on a gluten-free diet and once tweeted: "I now remember why I never eat pizza. It makes me feel like sh*t. #glutenized."
Hmm. Charlie, it's up to you: Time for that Ab Roller to stop collecting spiderwebs! And start singing:
I know a place where dreams are born
And time is never planned
It's not on any chart or (pizza place)
You must find it with your heart (and pizza sensors)
Never never land (and pizza palace).