The bond between husband and wife is both conjugal and procreative. Conjugal mutual love and fidelity is the unitive aspect of marriage. The procreative aspect of marriage concerns the conception, birth, and education of children. The bond between the unitive and procreative may not be broken. So what does this all mean? Are there different levels of love in relationship? Is your out-ward expression of your love saying what you mean?
The unitive aspect of marriage involves the full personhood of the spouses, a love that encompasses the minds, hearts, emotions, bodies, souls, and aspirations of husband and wife. They are called to grow continually in unitive love and fidelity so that they are no longer two but one flesh. The acts in marriage by which the intimate and chaste union of the spouses takes place are noble and honorable; the truly human performance of these acts fosters the self-giving they signify and enriches the spouses in joy and gratitude.
(CCC, no. 2362, citing GS, no. 49) God calls the married couple to be open to children, remembering always that having a child is not a right, but rather a gift from God (cf. CCC, no. 2378). In this way, they share the creative power and fatherhood of God. In giving birth to children and educating and forming them, they cooperate with the love of God as Creator.
Marital love by its nature is fruitful. The marriage act, while deepening spousal love, is meant to overflow into new life. Families are images of the ever-creative power and life of the Holy Trinity and the fruitfulness of the relationship between Christ and his Church. Does your definition of love reflect these concepts? There is a serious lack of understanding between the husband and wife.
In most cases the couple won’t even make an attempt to understand each other. For the development of a true relationship to take place, a basic understanding of human nature, the nature of men and women, is essential. Men are mostly intellectually centered, while women tend to be more emotional. They dwell in two different centers, along two parallel lines.
No real meeting takes place within them. How, then, can there be any love between the two? Their different natures should be understood and accepted, and each one, both husband and wife, should make a conscious effort to reach out to the other’s feelings, to the heart, and then try to work out their problems with this understanding as their foundation.
They shouldn’t try to control each other. Nor, should try to always convince your spouse that you’re always right. It has already been pointed out that marriage is more than love. Indeed, it must be fed by love, but in essence it is a communion of life. What true love seeks is realized in marriage. Love becomes "serious" because it concerns the whole of human life.
Marriage consists of a life of work and worry, joy and sorrow, sickness and health; it involves being young and becoming old, dealing with small and big problems, coping with internal and external troubles, and facing individual and social questions, all in loving communication with each other. Now, who do you know that is applying this theory to their marriage?
More than likely no one takes the time to truly connect at this level. But couples, we should be. Marriage is a matter love, connecting and building futures as God breathes life into your marriage, within your marriage you can create life. There is no deeper love connection. This level of connection navigates our open-mindedness, our ability to make life decisions together and navigates our spiritual beings toward each other. That is what becoming one flesh is. That’s how you keep your love flame burning.
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