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My relationship with the world; top ten reasons I love air travel


Photo by edkohler
I am a San Francisco Bay Area born and bred girl.  I love to travel as most bay areans do, but I hate the travel days. I dread the part of any vacation that begins at an airport. I hope that soon Scottie will be able to beam me directly to my destination because air travel these days is a royal pain.

Even though air travel is a challenge, there are lots of things to love about it. 
Here are the top ten reasons that I love to travel by air:

10. At check in, I put my bag on the scale; oops, too heavy. I then enjoy unpacking my extensive lingerie collection in front of the entire line forming behind me. I’m so glad I packed the panties with the fewest holes…

9. It’s a good thing that I hate my grungy, beat up suitcase; “luckily I’ll never have to see that one again,” I think to myself as I put it on the scale at EXACTLY 50 pounds.

8. I love the security screening because there are always scads of dumb-asses in line before me who are so seriously clueless that I look like the sophisticated traveler. Also, I love undressing with lots of strangers; it makes me feel at one with my community.

7. The security pat down is the most affection I’ve had in weeks.

6. When I think I’ve just about gotten from gate 41 to my gate #49, the hallways split and the gate numbers are now numbered 75, 74, 73, 72… and 49 is no where in sight up ahead….good exercise, at least! Who organized this US airport? The French? I do love Paris!

5. As I board the plane, I notice the pilot looks 16 and the stewardess looks 76 and grumpy. Good thing I’m adventurous and like grandmothers.

4. The airlines no longer serve you complementary crappy meals on board; now they CHARGE you for crappy meals on board.

3. The seriously obese guy in the seat next to me is oozing into my seat. I love to cuddle.

2. The guy next to me “elbows” me every time he types a word on his laptop, thus I learn something new and deep about myself; I really am direct yet helpful as I inform the gentleman in seat A that, indeed “a laptop can fit up your butt; shall I show you?”

1. And the thing I like best about airport travel; you can start drinking as early in the day as you want; you’ll never look like the local alcoholic because no one knows what time-zone YOU are actually traveling in; it could be 5:00 where you came from, and everyone else in the airport bar needs a stiff drink to ride the wild “coach” class wave to wherever they are going, just like me.

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