There are a lot of problems that occur within a marriage. Some of them are in your control but others are not, and sometimes it can be difficult to determine which ones you have control over and which ones you do not. When your Mother-In-Law comes into your life and takes over, there are a number of feelings that are associated with her presence that can destroy your marriage. In fact, one issue that married couples argue about more than money is in-laws.
According to womenshealthmag.com relationships with Mother-In-Laws is the number one marriage problem a couple faces. The Mother-In-Law and the wife compete with each other for their son’s attention, and often the son takes the side of his mother instead of taking his wife’s side. The article states, “Husband must side with his wife in any disagreement—even if she's wrong. Mom must understand that her son is a husband first, son second.”
Other problems with a Mother-In-Law exist besides who takes whose side. A lot of the time, either the husband or the wife will allow their mother to move-in with them. In the beginning the couple may be in agreement about letting the mother stay in their home with them temporarily; however, that temporary situation usually finds a way to be more permanent. Either the mother is going through a rough patch and is struggling financially or there is some other issue that has caused her to ask if she can live with her children. After a couple of months of the mother living there though, problems start occurring in the marriage and couples start looking for a way to fix them.
The reason a couple starts having marriage problems when a Mother-In-Law is living with them is because of all of the adjustments that have to be made. Maybe she sits in the husband’s favorite chair or wants to watch reality TV instead of football. It could be that she is constantly talking on the phone and is way too loud when she talks, and then she gives her son/daughter a rundown of everything that was talked about with the person she was on the phone with. There could be a number of little things that she does that eventually become unbearable.
When your Mother-In-Law starts getting under your skin enough, you feel like it is hard to live in your own home. You feel like she has taken completely over and you suddenly find that you are making way more compromises than you expected to be making when you first agreed to let her stay in your home. What are you supposed to do to get life to go back to normal?
The first thing you need to do is, sit down and talk to your spouse about the issues you are facing and how they are making you feel. Marriage should have open communication no matter what the problem is, and you should work together to try solving the problem. You might even find that your spouse feels the same way about the issues that are occurring and is willing to work just as hard as you to find a solution.
Stop Arguing With Your Spouse
Whenever there is something bothering you about your spouse’s mother, it can be difficult to approach and you might find yourself holding a lot more in than you are letting out. If this is the case, then you are likely to let it all come out whenever there is so much built up that you cannot deal with it anymore. When you let it all out it could cause you and your spouse to get in some pretty heated arguments. After that, there is no open communication and in some cases, there is no communication whatsoever. If you want to stop arguing with your spouse, then go over and take a look at secretstosavingmarriage.com for some good advice about making up.
Give Your Spouse an Ultimatum
There are a lot of issues that an ultimatum will not work with in your marriage; however, telling your spouse that it is either you or his/her mom might help you get the results that you are looking for. Your partner must understand that when the two of you got married, you married each other. You did not expect to have a third wheel in the marriage. It should be understood that the two of you need to have a life of your own in order to keep your marriage healthy.
If you feel like your Mother-In-Law is destroying your marriage, then give these tips a try. Hopefully your spouse will be able to see where you are coming from once you sit him/her down for a talk. Just remember to stay as calm as possible to keep the communication lines open. If nothing seems to work, then try giving your spouse an ultimatum and if he/she decides to side with his/her mother, then follow through on your ultimatum. Find somewhere else to stay until your partner has come to his/her senses and realizes that your marriage is more important.