Last month, the VP of a company that owns the St. Croix Falls movie theater, located on the western border of Wisconsin, sent a rather damaging reply to a customer. The response was sent after the customer emailed a complaint regarding the movie theater's poor service. Here is the complaint and response emails provided by The Consumerist. Shortly after sending the 'Oh s**t I didn't just hit the reply button did I?' email to the customer, the VP quickly tried to backtrack with a follow up email apologizing about the incident. Unfortunately for the VP, you can't triple stamp a double stamp.
To help others avoid these rather embarrassing, or often occupational altering moments, here are 5 rules to live by when writing inappropriate emails at work:
5. End all of your inappropriate emails with 'Just kidding'
By ending every inappropriate email with 'Just kidding', you are prematurely covering your own a**. Your friends and family will eventually learn that 'just kidding' is included in all inappropriate emails and they'll eventually ignore it. But, when you do mistakenly slip one past the goalie, the 'just kidding' could be the difference between a slap on the wrist and castration. In the case of the movie theater VP, 'just kidding' would not help. There's nothing you can do once you've played the 'Go f**k yourself' card.
4. Always use nicknames
If you frequently send emails to friends or family complaining about coworkers or managers, always refrain from using their real names. Give them nicknames based on their look or behavior. For example: Stroker Johnson or Mr. Bater for someone who disappears in the men's bathroom, or Whopper Hopper to describe a joyous overweight employee. If you were to ever accidentally include an unintended recipient, they'll never have anything more than circumstancial evidence.
3. Translate cursing into safe-for-work (SFW) synonyms
Avoid having your emails bounced by corporate email systems by following the safe-for-work (SFW) synonym system. The SFW synonym system keeps corporate systems from flagging words that are naughty by nature. For example: fu*k = fauk; sh*t = shat or sh!t; a*s = a$$; b*tch = b!tch; p*rn = pron; c*ck = caulk
2. Never hit the forward or reply to all button if you have bad intentions
Every once in a while, you receive an email from someone that's so dumb you you feel the need to send it on to coworkers or friends. These emails often include commentary that is not intended to be read by anyone other than your intended recipient list. However, when you hit the forward or reply to all button on the original email, you are leaving yourself open to accidentally including the original sender. Forwarding deletes the original recipient list, but it's still risks some type of stupid error on your part. Instead, create a new email and focus on including the correct recipient list. Double check your recipient list in your new email. Triple check it. Go back to the original email and copy the text. Paste it into your new email. Check your recipient list for a 4th time. Press send, but don't release your mouse click until you perform a 5th check on the recipient list. If your 5th check fails, do not unclick the mouse button. Keep holding it down as you turn off the power on your PC. It may work to just move your cursor off the send button before releasing your click, but do you really want to take that risk?
1. Use personal email for everything other than work
The only sure fire way to prevent getting fired or being reprimanded for sending inappropriate emails at work is to use your personal email for everything other than typical work emails. Discover a world that has existed for quite some time now and sign up at gmail. Welcome to six years ago.
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Life in The Cubicle by Dudley B. Dawson
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Comments
Amazing how easy it is to screw up with e-mails. I remember when an editor on a paper I worked in in South Africa got fired after sending out a note to another editor listing a bunch of people he thought should get fired, listing all the reasons. (Like dumb sh**, lazy m- =f — I am sure in more eloquent language, but reading between the lines.) Of course someone came across it and "leaked" it to the whole staff. (I had left by then and was not on the list, just by the way, but knew the entire motley crew.) The forwarding, forwarding of what becomes a long missive — that can be embarrassing at some point...
Dear Sarah,
Steve got fired and got a job at White Bear Lake. You and he should meet for coffee. I think he like you. He talked a lot about you in "that special way". btw - g@ f&*# y*&$#*?? and s?dæ? your l???ƒ?**{. Just kidding.
Dear Duds,
Once again, we as Americans are being encouraged to muffle our true feelings, bottle-up open communication, stifle effective verbage!
What if the Founding Fathers had been put under the same constraints? "Dear British, if you don't mind...we'd prefer drinking a different brand of iced tea and would enjoy paying a slightly less taxation rate. All of this of course is debatable as our primary goal is to be politically correct."
NO WAY!! We are AMERICANS! Sarah should have e-mailed, "Dear Manager: Your theater S*CKS! Put in a system to take credit cards or I'll take my business elsewhere and encourage others to do the same!"
To which the Manager should have responded: "Go ahead. Like I care!! Think you've been sc*ewed by our policies? They call me the Tiger Woods of theater management!"
Both the communicator and comunicatee would have been more honest. Both would have less psychological stress.
And your article would not have been written.
@ OhTheAgony I don't think Sarah really minced words. She was a little bit too abrasive to be PC.
I don't think Steve really minced words either.
She had a good point though. Sounds like a horrible theater, with angry management!
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