If one hasn't heard, Piranha 3D is the bloodiest 89 minutes in recent memory. It may have dethroned Peter Jackson's Dead Alive as the most blood-soaked movie ever made. First thought coming out of the theater is what did they edit out to get an R-rating to pass? And that's just the gore people. We haven't begun to get into the virtual nude magazine on display as countless girls (including Kelly Brook) bare all. Not to mention a scene that will make every guy cross his legs.
This is a horror flick that truly brings terror. It also loads up on all the other labels attached to the misunderstood genre. There is bad acting. One has to deal with character's actions that are not logically sound. Yet, there is good news. The body count is high and the footage is graphic all around. In terms of CGI work on the thousands of co-stars (piranha), I'd challenge someone to do a better job.
When local fisherman Matt Boyd (Richard Dreyfuss) goes missing on Lake Havasu, Sheriff Julie Forester (Elisabeth Shue) along with Deputy Fallon (Ving Rhames) suspect foul play when the body appears torn to pieces. At the same time, a tremor has opened up an underwater cavern below the lake, the day before thousands of hormone driven college students arrive for spring break. Which brings out sleaze ball filmmaker Derrick Jones (Jerry O'Connell doing his Girls Gone Wild impression) in hopes of capturing your typical x-rated spring break footage. To help navigate all the "hot spots", he hires local boy Jake Forester (Steven R. McQueen).
As the insanely wild party is going on at the lake, Sheriff Forester takes a team of researchers led by Novak (Adam Scott) to the spot where the bottom opened up. As Novak's team is exploring the cave system, they cross paths with ancient ancestors of the piranha species. And they are hungry. As the piranha exit the cave, all the partying noise draws them in, and much like the historic Saxon army, they plan on leaving no survivors.
Well the business model of this flick definitely borrows the approach from many of the JAWS installments. However, the pacing is as high as the hundreds of partying extras cast for the body count. It doesn't take long for the beasts to get revealed and the script showed some intelligence by not going overboard on all the gore with the opening victims (Don't worry, they make up for it). At first, the movie is harmlessly going out of its way to show the typical topless girls of spring break. Balancing this worthless angle, is hundreds of CGI piranhas tearing up a few random victims. Then out of nowhere, much like how our evil co-stars stalk their prey, the flesh eating party goes to a whole new level.
It's natural to reference JAWS when analyzing and/or watching Piranha 3D. The purpose here is to really lay out how graphic this is without giving too much away. If one can recall the 1975 classic, try to recall the way "Quinn" met his demise at the end. That scene is still haunting to see today. Take that feeling, and get ready to relive it numerous times in ways you wouldn't think possible. Every idea one has in their head on what to expect, this flick will surpass it. Just when you think the horror will subdue, it gets worse (better). For it has to, because the acting and dialogue is universally rough. Will you really care though? Just keep thinking about what the real goal is here and one can overlook even the poorest acting (Steven R. McQueen).
Overall, this is pure enjoyment that is both fun and sadistic. The flick can dial up suspense in multiple sequences, which has been lacking in the genre lately. The balance of soft-porn antics and the gore-fest is handled in the most entertaining fashion. As for the 3D, it may be worth it for once. Piranha 3D is an abundance of entertainment that needs to be seen in theaters. (I wish I could have used a red font for this review).
Piranha 3D is rated a very strong R and opens in the Tampa Bay market today.
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