Movie Review: 'Clash of the Titans'

Sam Worthington unleashes hell (or something like it) in "Clash of the Titans." PHOTO: Warner Brothers

The summer movie season is still over a month away but Warner Brothers has already gotten a head-start with its big-budget remake of the cheesy 1981 fantasy film “Clash of the Titans.” With a star-studded cast, excellent locales and impressive visual effects, this music video-like action picture should satisfy the cravings of action-hungry teenagers but its hammy dialogue, cardboard characters and weak plot will leave the rest of us unsatisfied.

Rescued from the sea by a simple fisherman named Spyros (Pete Postlethwaite), demi-God (half-man, half-God) Perseus (Sam Worthington) is raised in a PG-rated environment, content with life as a failed fisherman and speaking in a thick Australian accent (?). Alas, tragedy shatters this simple life when his family is killed in a violent battle between the citizens of the city of Argos and Hades (Ralph Fiennes), the God of the underworld. Vengeful but clueless, Perseus is filled in on the back-story (like the rest of us).

CLASH OF THE TITANS

Sick of being ignored by the Gods, the citizens of Argos decide to rebel by discontinuing their prayers and destroying priceless statues of the deities. This behavior obviously pisses Zeus (Liam Neeson) and company to no end. Hades, still harboring a grudge against Zeus for being tricked into handling underworld babysitting duties, convinces his golden armored brother to allow him to teach the humans a lesson. In a showy sequence, Hades makes a grand entry into Argos, wrecks havoc and gives the city an ultimatum – Either sacrifice the beautiful princess Andromeda (Alexa Davalos) or face the wrath of his monster– the Kraken.

With nothing to lose, Perseus joins a team of soldiers led by the charismatic Draco (“Casino Royale” villain Mads Mikkelsen) to find the secret to killing the Kraken. In the process, he becomes a badass warrior (in two days!), flirts with a beautiful demi-goddess Io (Gemma Arterton) and encounters one gigantic obstacle after another (giant scorpions, hideous monsters, three eyeless witches, the infamous Medusa and finally, the Kraken).

Since I’ve not seen the 1981 “Clash of the Titans” it’s impossible for me to compare this big-budget remake against the original movie (Everything that I’ve seen or read about that film has led me to believe it was a enourmous cheese fest with campy acting and laughable effects). A better comparison would be contemporary Greece-set films “300” and “Troy.” While it does feature similar creatures as in "300," it’s not as stylish, redundant and idiotic as “300” – yes, “300” was stupid and dumb, get over it! Similarly, “Clash of the Titans” isn’t as epic (or as boring) as “Troy,” but it’s definitely more entertaining. Short and sweet, “Clash of the Titans” is window dressing.

"You are a terribly mediocre actor!" Sam Worthington gets some friendly
advice in "Clash of the Titans." PHOTO: Warner Brothers

Things don’t start off well: The first 15 minutes of “Clash of the Titans” are loaded with some of the most unintentionally comic moments I’ve seen this year. This is mostly due to some ridiculous scenery chewing acting and ham-fisted dialogue (I'm looking at you Ralph Fiennes!). Thankfully, the film picks up after the action takes center-stage which, in the end, is what this movie is all about – a string of excellently-shot and -executed action sequences with stock characters to keep the story flowing.

Shot mostly in the Canary Islands, Wales and Ethopia, “Clash of the Titans” definitely fits the bill of eye candy. Save for the fight with Medusa (Natalia Vodianova), which lacks a little something called suspense, most of the film’s set-pieces – including a terrific giant Scorpion attack, a pair of schwashbuckling encounters with the monster Calibos (Jason Flemyng) and the dazzling finale featuring the monstrous Kraken, Perseus and his flying horse Pegasus – are spectacularly shot escapades that should satisfy most mindless-action-craving moviegoers. After his solid work on the first two "Transporter” films, the under-appreciated “The Incredible Hulk” and now this, French filmmaker Louis Letterrier is setting himself as the go-to guy for action blockbusters. Maybe Marvel will hand him the reigns to “The Avengers” - a job he really wants.

Now, if you’re looking for a good story to go with your side of action, you’re shit-out-of-luck buddy! With the film running a relatively short 118 minutes, most character development has been flushed down the toilet in favor of the action which more or less relegates the plot to filler. It’s sad considering a little exploration of the Greek myth would have made the film a lot more fun.

Gemma Arterton as the demi-God Io in "Clash of the Titans."
PHOTO: Warner Brothers

 Not helping matters is the wooden performance from Sam Worthington who with three blockbusters ("Terminator Salvation," "Avatar," "Clash of the Titans") under his belt, has yet to convince me that he knows how to act. Can this guy play anything other than a one-note marine? Sporting an out-of-place buzz cut and an equally out-of-place Australian accent, Worthington is perhaps the most boring hero to frontline an action blockbuster. At least he’s consistent, unlike heavy-hitters Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes (a “Schindler’s List” reunion) who go from playing it straight to over-the-top campy. Neeson, draped in a golden armored suit spends most of the film walking about in a distracting beard while Fiennes, channeling Voldemort from “Harry Potter” and the Emperor from “Star Wars” is just hilariously bad. British starlet Gemma Arterton isn't bad as the sexy Io but like the others, she's not given much to do. Only Swedish actor Mads Mikkelsen manages to register some impact as the charismatic Praetorian General Draco.

Finally, a word on the 3D: Unlike “Avatar” and “Up,” the 3D in “Clash of the Titans” wasn’t added during filming but during post-production to capitalize on the format’s recent popularity. This last minute addition is comparable to watching a regular DVD on a Blu-Ray player meaning its 3D but really inferior, worthless 3D. Seeing how movie chains are charging at least $3 more for 3D pictures these days at most South Florida locations, you’re better off watching the film in 2D as there’s nothing, I repeat nothing, worth talking about here. Stick with the 2D and you’ll enjoy the movie more.

BOTTOM LINE: “Clash of the Titans” is a sumptuously-shot big-budget spectacle that showcases dazzling visual effects and a series of thrilling action sequences but like many blockbusters of its type, it suffers from hammy acting, cheesy dialogues, weak characters and a non-existant plot that only serves as a filler for the film's man action scenes.

GRADE:

CLASH OF THE TITANS
Directed by: Louis Leterrier
Starring: Sam Worthington, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, Gemma Arterton
Rated: PG-13 (for fantasy action violence, some frightening images and brief sensuality.)

"Clash of the Titans" is now playing at most South Florida movie theaters in 3D and regular 2D.

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