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More than acquaintances but not quite friends

Two people have known of each other for years; travelled in some of the same circles and have invited each other to different events. They know each other’s friends and even spent an hour or two together at social events, but they’ve never been to each other’s homes or know each other in an intimate way. Let’s just say “They’re more than acquaintances but not quite friends.”

Acquaintances playing a friendly game of poker
Aliaksandr Zabudzko @ PhotoXpress

You've spent some time with a person here or there throughout the years in social settings but never alone. You know of them but not intimate details about their life or who they really are as a person. Even though you may have spent an hour or two with them at social events, you’ve never talked with them over the phone, been to their home and neither have they been to yours. Does that make you friends or not?

You can have love for, and show love to everyone in a friendly way; but friendship takes a little more energy than that. Even though you may have spent enough time with them that they are more than acquaintances, you have not spent enough time to call them friends.

We get hung up in roles and titles trying to place people in spaces we want them to fill when they have not been qualified to fill those spots. Not because they aren’t qualified but because we have yet to qualify them. You have to know more about a person to call them friend and equal agreements should be made when making friendships. You don’t just start calling people friend in hopes that they’ll be one or that they’ll answer.

The reason we get into inadequate friendships is because we place people in roles they were not intended to be in. We don’t grow and cultivate relationships into genuine friendships. Not everyone you know is supposed to be your friend. And just because you know them doesn’t make them your friend.

Has someone ever said that you were friends and to you, you were not? You don’t want to say that you’re not because you’re afraid of offending them and even though it feels nice that they would think of you that way, you know you haven’t earned the title. Plus, you weren’t even aware that they thought the relationship had gone to that level. In your mind you felt you didn’t know enough about the person to call them friend yet. No agreements had been made; and no one-on-one time had ever been spent. They are just walking around calling you friend because they know your name, and some things about you that everyone else may know.

Some may argue that you lose some of the organics of a friendship when you place stipulations or rules on a friend; but I say, just because we know of each other that doesn't make us friends either. Some questions need to be asked and we need to court each other so that we get to know each other. Being friendly towards one another doesn't make us friends.

We also have to know that just because a person says we aren't friends doesn't automatically mean that they don't like you; it could mean that they don't know you well enough to call you friend or that’s not the role you play in their life.

Leave a comment and let me know what you think. Don’t forget to subscribe so that you get articles as they are published.

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