Monster Madness: Ondoculus

Onodoculi are smarter than you! (Courtesy Alex_Lee2001)

Monster Madness looks at forgotten monsters from the early days of gaming, when creativity ran rampant, game balance was an afterthought, and critters with little rhyme or reason plagued dungeons for the sole purpose of brutally murdering adventurers.  

Every once in awhile you come across a Mad Monster that is clearly someone's pet monster.  Critters with the word "Monster" are not something the creator is attached to.  But monsters that would later become iconic, like Githyanki, have such a deep back story that you just know the game master built an entire campaign around them.  The love and affection is shown in the Ondoculus, created by Kaj Nurse (and no, a Kaj Nurse is not a Mad Monster) from the pages of the Dungeoneer Compendium. Actually, Cecil Nurse "suggested" these monsters to Kaj Nurse.  Whatever.

Ondoculi are proof that everything is better with more appendages: two heads, four arms, three legs. They're bald, so you know they're smart.  Their limbs "have a couple more joints" so they're more mobile.  As mentioned with the Ibem, the goal of giving critters multiple arms is to make up for being overwhelmed by groups of adventurers. Ibems can fire two bows or carry on two melee battles, with each head and pair of arms dividing up the duties.

You might think Ondoculi are combat monsters.  You'd be right. But they're also something of befuddled philosophers. 1 in 20 are clerics of 8th-level:

If one of these people are started on a philosophical discussion or some other deep subject, they will become distracted enough to let one slip away or get in a couple free shots.

See what they did there?  Everybody knows adventurers never actually have a conversation with monsters.  So the odds of this weakness coming up are pretty low.

To summarize, Ondoculi are two-headed, two-bow-wielding, spellcasting, flexy-jointed, super-smart badasses.  They also carry swords that turn you to stone.

This makes every Ondoculus a wanted man (or men).  Up to this point they had a chance, but in the same way that everyone wants Drow arms and armor while they're underground, every adventurer will kill these poor suckers a thousand times to get a sword that turns its foes to stone.

Evil Sorcerer: And now, I shall blast you to smithereens with my magic—

Adventurer: *taps Evil Sorcerer with Ondoculi blade*

Evil Sorcerer: URRRRRK!

Fortunately, the blade's power only lasts for one month if not in an Ondoculus hands.  But who cares?  An adventurer can do a lot of damage in one month.  And once it runs out, they can always kill another Ondoculi…they appear in groups of up to 40.

But wait there's more!  You get the two-headed, two-bow-wielding, spellcasting, flexy-jointed, super-smart, petrifying badasses AND they come with their very own pets, the Glocodulus!  We'll cover them in the next installment.