Fear and guilt are the only enemies
of man." -- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
According to dictionary.com the definition of guilt is a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined. The guilt gene is triggered the minute we become a mothers. Guilt it weighs us down. It creeps into our psyches and keeps us up at night.
There are two types of guilt one is for something that we have actually done. The other is for something with think we should have done. Most moms I know feel the latter. We imagine a thousand and one offenses we have yet commit on a daily basis called "The Shouldas". For example -- I shoulda baked homemade cookies for that school party. We convince ourselves that our kids will be scared for life because we sent store bought cookies to school for the class party instead of homemade cookies.
In our minds, we have created the perfect mother. She is part Donna Reed, the 1950s ideal mother, she looks like Heidi Klum and she is successful in business as Martha Stewart. Wow! How about that the perfect mom! She takes care of the house, looks perfect and kicks ass in the board room. Easy role model to live up too. Totally reasonable!
Here's the deal -- guilt cripples us. It makes us ineffective mothers. It binds our hearts and minds. We sweat the small stuff to such an extent it has made us for lack of a better word crazy. We focus on all the things we didn't do instead of all the thousand and one things we do everyday. At some point, we will have to cut ourselves a break. Because you know who are the real victims here? Our families. Yes, because feeling guilty makes us neurotic and crazed women who run around chasing our tails day after day. Guilt pulls us out of the present moment, out of the here and now.
Guilt does not allow us to enjoy all the wonderful things we do for our families. Guilt doesn't allow us to enjoy our families or allow us to enjoy being mothers for that matter!!! It keeps us suspended in this hyper alter-reality in which every mom looks like Heidi Klum, bakes cookies and makes a six figure income. It this world, moms are tireless robots who meet every need of every person in their lives. And that, that is just not only unrealistic it's crazy!