Misunderstanding Miscarriage - Part I

According to medical doctors, miscarriage refers to the loss of a developing pregnancy up until the twentieth week of gestation. When a woman loses her pregnancy after the twentieth week of pregnancy, the loss is referred to as a stillbirth.

Miscarriage reportedly occurs in 20 percent of all pregnancies. However, according to some sources this may be an inaccurate number. It is reported that  many women, before realizing a life has begun forming within them, may miscarry without knowing it; assuming their miscarriage is merely a heavier period. It is for this reason that  the miscarriage rate may be closer to 40 or 50 percent and  further is suggested that as much as 20 percent will suffer recurring miscarriages.

Why do miscarriages occur? Medial research states that they fall under two categories: isolated and recurring. An isolated miscarriage refers to a single, sporadic event.  It is reported that an isolated miscarriage usually occurs due to a chromosomal error in the egg or sperm. This chromosomal error is thought  to be  nonrecurring. Further more the literature suggests that if a woman endures three consecutive miscarriages, these miscarriages are considered recurring. A woman who suffers recurring miscarriages may undergo medical tests in order to discover what underlying conditions may cause her repeated miscarriages. Medical doctors generally believe that these underlying conditions must be treated in order for the woman to successfully carry to term.

Beyond the physical pain and discomfort of miscarriage comes the opaque emotional pain. The loss of a pregnancy brings a tremendous amount of grief that is often misunderstood by friends and loved ones.  For something that occurs so often, it is hard to believe that miscarriage is considered a taboo topic. Women and men often feel very alone in their pain and their emotions are not validated. Losing a pregnancy correlates with the loss of a dream of the baby growing; the planning for parenthood and extending their family is halted. For those who have never experienced miscarriage, the emotions may be hard to comprehend. Some people do not place enough emphasis that the growing fetus is loved and the would-be parents have bonded and attached to their child in waiting.

Justine explains her emotions after two miscarriages, "This feeling of loss, of emptiness, is so pervasive. And perhaps most difficult of all is that fact that we can't talk about it. We can't talk about it because doing so might jinx those happy pregnant women. We can't talk about it because we all want to pretend that pregnancy is easy and natural. It's as if this kind of death is illegitimate; it's not like the experience of loss that you have when you can seek comfort in the love and support of friends, when they come to help you to bury your loved one and make you food and tea, and listen to you talk, or just hold you if you need to cry."

The grief involved with miscarriage is misunderstood for several reasons. People simply do not know what to say when they hear of pregnancy loss. Often people claim that miscarriage is a blessing because the baby may have had health issues. This is not a comfort to the parents but can rather be seen as an insensitive outlook on their grief. The loss that occurs due to miscarriage many times is not interpreted in the same realm of the death of full grown person. To others the developing baby is simply an idea, but to the parents that is their child. And with the loss of the life growing inside comes a profound void stemming from love that transpires as soon as the parents discover they are expecting a child.

Kathy speaks of her emotions on the day of her miscarriage,"I was acutely aware the dull ache of my contracting uterus, and of the passage of time clicking away in the backdrop of the three alarm clocks in our room. Acutely aware of the solitude. I was no longer two, but one."