Shocked, appalled and angry, parents are reacting to the tragic situation of sexual abuse and violence against children that occurred at Miramonte School. Yesterday, a 16-year-old student At Mira Costa High School in Manhattan Beach was arrested for making threats against a teacher and six students, and Los Angeles police have reopened an investigation into molestation charges against a Hamilton High School music teacher. The desire to keep a child safe from harm is inherent in every healthy parent. In the earliest days of our nation, parents did their best to keep their children safe from the greatest dangers of the time, early death due to illness. Today, we’ve eradicated most of those deadly diseases, yet we cannot always prevent terrible things from happening to the people we love.
As distressing as these situations are, it is important to remember that children, and especially teenagers, are watching and learning from the reactions of their parents. When a parent says, “I’d kill the …if he touched my child,” an honest and heartfelt response, that parent needs to know that he is not creating a safe environment for his child to share in the event he or she is improperly approached by a teacher or other adult. Sad as it may be, there is an opportunity here for parents to better educate their children. Parents should be discussing these events with their children in a caring and supportive way. Teens definitely don’t want to have this conversation, and many parents find discussing violence against children a more difficult conversation than talking about sex. Nonetheless, it is a critical conversation to have. Here are some pointers to help parents have this important conversation. Additional information can be found at RAINN, the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network.
- Build a trusting relationship with your child.
- Pick the time and place carefully and talk to your child directly.
- Acknowledge that this conversation may make your child, and especially your teen, uncomfortable.
- Talk with your child about secrets.
- Reassure your child that you will not “overreact and go crazy.” A child who is afraid of a parent’s reaction is less likely to share uncomfortable information.
- Be sure to follow up. Don’t allow administrators, teachers, or the police to “blow you off.” Persist in getting at the truth.
- Know that there is help for abused children and teens. Try to remain calm and supportive for your child.
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