Since Mike Starr's untimely passing on March 8, 2011, I kept contemplating whether I wanted to watch the season of Celebrity Rehab in which he was cast. About a month ago, I finally broke down and watched and after a great deal of reflection, am glad about my decision. Tomorrow, September 8, 2011, marks six months since the world lost Mike and having known him in our younger years and reconnecting with him on Facebook over the last year of his life, his absence does not get any easier.
Without going into too much detail, addiction to anything is never easy to overcome. And for anyone who says addicts "deserve their fate" -- that is a statement of ignorance. NO ADDICT DESERVES TO DIE. While it's true that people who become addicted have many resources available to them to get medical help, what many need is something beyond that medical assistance. Sometimes it's the mere fact that a person needs someone to help keep them on track, and talk them down from "what they think they want or need." And when people reach out and there is no one there to help, everything can go wrong really fast.
I don't know all of the circumstances regarding Mike's passing and I won't speculate or begin to fathom what he felt, wanted or needed those last few days. I heard from him via email shortly before he passed and he seemed very positive in what was happening in his life. I was so happy for him that he had turned things around and had begun making progress in his music endeavors, mending relationships and friendships, including our own. Addiction to any substance can take a heavy toll on people and everything around them. It can make you love people one minute and hate them the next. It can turn the person you love and care for into someone you feel you've never known and until they break free, they are most certainly not themselves.
Celebrity Rehab Season 3 was very difficult to watch. It brought up memories of Mike I didn't like recalling and it showed inner demons in him I didn't like seeing. After the 21-day treatment with Dr. Drew, when it was all said and done, Mike Starr was a changed person and you could honestly tell he knew what he needed to do to help himself. His decisions became automatic and he didn't falter or second-guess himself in making them. That was the Mike I initially met and knew so many years ago -- only better. Even when he came back to the Pasadena Recovery Center and spoke with the Season 4 cast, Mike was a changed man. He was focused and happy, with no traces of negativity or insecurity. That is how he seemed the last time I heard from him this year.
I thought about asking friends and family what could have gone wrong, but I decided not to. That is private information and it deserves to stay that way. I'll always remember the sweet, loving Mike Starr -- the guy who would give you the shirt off his back (literally) and share his last cigarette with you. He is terribly missed by everyone who knew him, even if it was just for a short while. Mike touched so many people's lives in a positive way, even throughout his fight with his own demons. He became an idol to some who wanted to get into the music business and he was a friend to many from all kinds of circles.
One thing I am happy about for Mike -- that he's reunited with his best friend Layne Staley. I know Layne's death took a terrible toll on Mike over the years and it seemed he was finally able to forgive himself for what happened to his best friend. Whenever you lose someone that means that much to you, most people blame themselves saying they could have done something more. But sometimes that simply isn't the case. There will always be regret felt, but unless there is really something to blame yourself for, don't -- because it's not your fault your friend or loved one lost the fight. I've felt that turmoil this past year more than once with both Mike and my 20-year-old nephew who I lost not even two months later to a fatal asthma attack. You wish you would have done things differently, kept in touch more, made more of an effort to see them, etc.
The point is, don't guilt yourself about what you didn't do. Instead, remember and share their stories, keeping their memories alive. Do allow yourself to remember good and bad times because if you don't, the sadness will take over and lead you down a road you don't want to travel. Cherish the time you had with them and don't regret what you didn't do -- be happy for what you did do and got to do with them.
Whether you knew Mike Starr on a personal level or not, watching his amazing transformation on Celebrity Rehab Season 3 is truly a cleansing experience. At the end of his treatment, he was such an inspiration to everyone he encountered including his close friends like Steven Adler. Some say that people are taken from us, so others can stay on this Earth and realize their dreams. Or so that people can be born into this world, free from harm. I believe it is both and we should all learn from what these tragedies are trying to tell us. That we are not invincible and life is too short to not do everything we can to take care of ourselves and those we love most.
R.I.P. Michael Christopher Starr and Alexander Jordan Lahti -- you were both one of a kind people, musicians, friends, sons, brothers, nephews and cousins. You're both greatly missed by all who knew and loved you -- now and forever. Rock it with love in heaven! xoxo
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