By: Brad Kronen
September 23rd – October 22nd
Your Horoscope for the 3rd Mercury Retrograde of 2012 has many similarities to Leo's, Libra.
It also has some key core differences as well.
Those born beneath the signs of both The Lion and The Scales have been the Universe's karmic punching bag for the past 3 or so years, and thus, have not displayed the inherent personality traits which are indicative of their respective signs for quite some time now.
In other words, neither Leos nor Librans have felt or acted like their old selves in what must seem to be ages.
Whereas many a Leo has not been their typically outgoing, self confident self lately, the children of Venus have not at all been the conversationally delightful socialites of charm they usually are, and have kept solitarily to themselves for the duration of the recent past and into the present day.
Well, I hate to inform you solitary anti-socialites, whom in happier, less Saturnine times of old I euphemistically called “The Kings and Queens of Small Talk”, that the present day just happens to be the current Holi-day Season.
And unless you Scale Kids have been completely friend-less your entire lives and are blood related to either rocks or inanimate objects, during the Holiday Season it is expected that we humans be sociable and interact amongst one another whilst actively attending various gatherings of the Holiday kind.
YEEEOW! For the sign that's all about Harmony and Relationship-oriented junk, I could swear I was getting daggers flung at me from every Peace loving, Libran eye after delivering that last message of Holiday social obligation.
The first half of the 3rd Mercury Retrograde Cycle of 2012 will begin on November 7th in the sign of forced frivolity, Sagittarius, in The Libra's House of Communications. On November 15th, the planet of communication will continue its backwards trek when it goes in planetary reverse into the sign of Death and hardcore intensity, Scorpio, in The Libra's House of Money where it shall travel in reverse until shifting into forward motion on November 27th.
With the planet of speech, of both the sociable and self-addressing varieties, occurring in the sign of optimism and expansive amplification, Sagittarius, your sign shall face a similar Holiday dilemma very much akin to what those born beneath the sign of the Lion are currently facing. A dilemma which intriguingly combines the very worst of both sign's most unevolved inherent qualities of the sociable kind: Prideful (Leo) Vanity (Guess who?)
As previously hinted, the signs of both Leo and Libra have just finished up their own individualized walking tours of their own special, modernized versions of Dante's Inferno. For the last 3 never-seeming-to-end years, the Beauties of the Z0diac were forced to replace the medieval backdrop of Hell with the word “Saturn” by having their pretty heads be The Lord of Karma's Thigh Master for the duration of that entire Saturnine time of “Libran Life Lessons Learned the Hard Way” which began in October in 2009 and only just ended a few weeks ago, last October 6th.
With all of that Saturnine un-fun still sourly dry on many a Libran's tastebuds, and despite being ruled by the planet of Beauty, itself, many a child of Venus currently suffers from a delusional inner perception of not feeling or looking too “PRETTY” these days.
Libra + Un-pretty = Incommunicado & Nowhere to be found
Now, both the Leo and the Libran can be so caught up and self concerned with their looks, o wait, a better unevolved term would be “obsessively vain”, that their sense of selfish pride combined with their vanity will quite often not allow their visage to see even the light of day, let alone another carbon based life form, if they deem their looks to not be adequately fit for the public's eye.
But since it's the Holiday Season, the Universe says “Tough Noogies” to that, you mirror worshippers of the most intense kind! Your social presence is demanded by many throughout the Holiday Season, no matter how downright disgusting you mistakenly perceive yourselves to currently look.
However here is where the Lion and the Scales part their unpretty ways....
The typical Leo would rather slice a limb off with the dullest of butter knives than appear in public to be remotely burdened by any kind of Sunshine-killing problem. With the first part of Mercury's backwards trek in the sign of high hopes, Sagittarius, many a Lion will be trying a little too hard this month to loudly inform one and all how incredibly great things are for them and how extra super happy that makes them feel.
Just the opposite with the supermodels of the Zodiac.
Being ruled by the planet of comfort and luxury, the Libra can get, ummmm, really....well, whiney. With the planet of power babble going in reverse in the sign of exaggerated expansion, many a Scale Kid could easily fall prey to rattling off every nitpicky problem and hangnail they've undergone for the last decade or so to anyone within earshot of their pleasantly demure voices.
To that, I defer to my sage and o so wise Virgoan father who would say as often as he could to me, “No one likes a complainer, Brad Steven.”
My solution to any kind of Libran power house bitching in public this Holiday Season blows my Dad's words of wisdom right out of the whiney water, by providing a correlational formula of advice that is far more actively effective:
“The more the Libra whines, the uglier they become in the eye of the public.”
Despite the children of the Scales being made hard and sexily tough by Saturn's many TKO's over the last 3 years and no longer needing to inherently whine as they have in the comfort filled past, that formula should keep the entire Libran lot of you in line, none the Libran less.
The second half of the talking planet's reverse tail spin should be a snap for you strong and silently pretty ones. On November 15th, Mercury shall go backwards into the silently strong sign of Scorpio in The Libra's House of Money.
After all the non-complaining practice during the first half of November, the second half should be breezily easy for your sign, given your bestest of karmic BFF's, Saturn, himself, will already be waiting to greet your silently strong selves and Mercury in your House of Money during that time!
Brad will provide yet another correlational formula that should convince Venus' children just how smoothly simple the 2nd stint of Mercury's 3rd Retrograde Cycle will be for them:
“The less the Libran comments about their currently lower-than-usual finances, the fewer open handed, Saturnine backslaps they'll receive, since they shall clearly be indicating to The Lord of Karma that reminders aren't necessary of how much they've evolved since his initial visit, 3 years earlier.”
No need to utter a word, Libra. You're welcome.
October 23rd – November 22nd
Happy Birthday, Scorpio!
May I ask every Desert Deadly to take a few moments and check off their favorite choice from the following Saturnine birthday backdrops:
- Post-Nuclear Armageddon World
- Planet of the Apes Beach, complete with Statue of Liberty Head
- The 9th Layer of Hell from Dante's Inferno
- Any Hieronymus Bosch painting containing a minimum of 10 flowers which contain live-in medieval little people and at least 3-5 Archdemons of the XXLarge variety
Those Scorpions who just blurted out loud their shocked disbelief as to why the choices for either a Zombie and/or Vampire Universe were missing, I advise not to hold their breath while waiting for either to never arrive.
I'll also allow verbal interest in such unimaginative yawn material of the most conformist kind just this once, given it IS your birthday and all.
My Lethal ones, an attribute associated with your sign that the astrologer whom you furtively dressed as this Halloween most admires is the Scorpio's ability to initially go to the worst of all possible worlds/the ending which goes the most badly/the most horrifying of possible conclusions.
Your sign literally drops to the darkest depths of any given situation first and foremost, so as to be prepared for the most awful of outcomes, and to also be pleasantly surprised should the close of whichever situation NOT end up in a pile of bullet riddled, en masse corpses.
This is why your sign is also euphemistically known as “The Sign of the Survivor”, versus anything related to the silently screaming mess left twitching in fetal position, as Brad is often rendered, given the numerous times his naïvete was unable to even comprehend the darkest parts of Man's soul, let alone venture down those unlit alleys of blackness, first and foremost.
So with that Scorpionic attribute in mind, Brad figured,
If he can't beat 'em, then KILL'EM!
Rather than be all apologetic and look at each Scorpion with welled up eyes while asking far too many times how each of you was holding up, given your birthday is occurring right as Saturn ventures past the starting gate into your sign, I realized I clearly needed to be more Scorpionic in nature, by going to the darkest depths first and foremost, myself.
Hence, OUI-LA! :
Birthday Backdrop in Hell/Post Nuclear War'd World, etc.!!
Why the choices of Scorpionic Solar Return'd (aka Birthday) backdrops are so intensely stark and severe is due to the current astrological climate for your sign. True to Scorpionic form, the Universe is marking The Lord of Karma's entrance into your sign with extreme severity, because not only is Saturn entering the sign of the Scorpion during the birthday season of the Desert Deadly, but the latter half of the 3rd Mercury Retrograde Cycle of 2012 shall be occurring in your very own, survival oriented sign as well! Amazing, right?
(A lone vulture squawks far off in the distance....)
The planet of c0mmunication, otherwise known as Mercury, will begin the first portion of its backwards tailspin on November 7th in the sign of optimism and frivolity (forced or otherwise), Sagittarius, in The Scorpio's House of Money and Pleasurable Pursuits. The fastest moving planet will continue its trek in reverse planetary motion and on November 15th will rev back into your own sign, in The Scorpio's House of Self. Mercury will continue to go in reverse in this key area of Scorpionic Life until November 27th, when the planet of power babble shifts once more into forward motion.
Of all 12 horoscopes for the 3rd Mercury Retrograde of 2012, yours is the only one which does not act as a warning as to how not to communicate or behave during the planet of communication's upcoming cycle of backwards motion during almost the entire month of November, Scorpio.
Rather, the sign and House placement of the Scorpio's upcoming Mercury Retrograde serve as karmic air traffic control commands, indicating to those born beneath the middle of the Water signs that the Saturnine process of The Lord of Karma's visit in their sign has officially begun.
Mercury's sign and House placement for the Scorpio can be interpreted as the “You are Here” starting point on the cosmic map as the 2 ½ year Saturnine journey herewith unfolds for the most intense sign of all the Zodiac.
With the first portion of Mercury's reverse cycle taking place in the party hearty sign of Sagittarius, and in your House of Money and of Pleasurable Pursuits, this year's birthday should feel more like a Bon Voyage party for your soul, o hardcore ones. And I'll bet my millions that it doesn't matter one way or the other to you Desert Deadlies whether this year's festivities are celebrated by many, or simply by a party of 1 solitary Scorpio.
Look at your upcoming birthday as an internalized sending off of your inner selves with the intention of an entirely new and different person to eventually be re-birthed. A completely new and re-birthed Scorpio made stronger and wiser by the lessons taught by The Lord of Karma, who shall emerge fully complete on their birthday 3 years from now.
A Sagittarian Mercury Retrograde speaks of a person's conscious choice to have their communications not be frivolous or exaggerated, yet conversely, it also acts as a reminder for every Scorpio going forward to actively integrate some semblance of a sense of humor to their hardly-ever-cracking-a-smile faces of serious intent over the course of their unfolding Saturnine journey.
Brad would like to interpret the 2nd Half of the planet of communication's reverse cycle into the sign of Scorpio for everyone born beneath the sign of the Scorpion through 2 actions which, unto themselves, indicate that our own private birthday fete has begun, my Tail Zingers.
Speakers drop down over each of your selected birthday backdrops, very softly playing in the distance Gloria Gaynor's “I Will Survive”.
Brad wheels out a most sinister looking, yet deliciously ornate 4 tiered Halloweeney birthday cake, complete with black frosting and topped with ghoulish green lettering which reads:
HAPPY RE-BIRTH DAY, SCORPIO! GODSPEED!
November 23rd – December 21st
Sag, Sag, Sag.
What ever am I going to do with you Centaurs?
A portion of you Pony People should currently be experiencing some desperate-to-escape, swirling in your stomach butterfly activity right about now, because feign to hypocritically deny it, you naughty, mistake repeating Centaurs KNOW that BRAD KNOWS!
One of the numerous joys behind being an astrologer are those choice times, when by planetary transit, the Universe is able to give me the low down on what a particular sign has been up to as of late and more importantly, whether or not they have been doing their current karmic homework.
And the 3rd Mercury Retrograde cycle of 2012 just happens to be one of those times, for your sign in particular, Sagittarius.
This particular astrologer, whom you both love and fear to your Centaur'd core, is currently being informed that not only has your sign not done a smidge of its karmic homework since the 2nd Mercury Retrograde of 2012, but that many a silly Sagittarian is perpetuating their element's unevolved naughtiness by repeating the same mistakes and unwise actions all over again which they should have rectified last July!
As indicated by the Sagittarian evolutionary themes of the 2nd Mercury Retrograde Cycle of 2012 being identically repeated during the planet of communication's upcoming 3rd reverse cycle of planetary motion.
A sequence of repetition in Astrology can be interpreted as the Universe making a point with double the cosmic emphasis. Most times when an astrological repetition occurs, the person who is having the same theme/planetary transit/karmic lesson repeated didn't do what needed to be done the first time around, or didn't learn whatever lesson that the Universe spelled out for them initially.
Additionally, a large percentage of those who simply didn't get it the first cosmic time around will approach that which is being repeated EXACTLY in the same manner as if they were dealing with something fresh and wholly new, with no prior experience whatsoever.
Cut the horse trot, people! Something sounds hauntingly familiar with this cosmic repeat thing, Hmmmm.
Don't you mean Fire sign familiar Brad?
That's right! An inherent weakness shared by every Zodiacal member of the Fire sign Family, namely Aries, Leo, and your Steeple Chasing selves, is a tendency to repeat their mistakes.
And it sounds as if the broken needle from the 2nd Mercury Retrograde of 2012 wasn't even lifted from the warped record player, my Evil Equines, that's how carbon copied the Sagittarian themes are being mirrored for the 3rd Mercurial Retro Cycle of this year.
Allow Brad to Evil Equine explain....
The planet of c0mmunication, otherwise known as Mercury, will begin the first portion of its backwards tailspin on November 7th in the children of bounty's very own sign, in The Sagittarius' House of Self. The fastest moving planet will continue its trek in reverse planetary motion through the sign of the Centaur and on November 15th will rev back into the sign of Death and hardcore intensity, Scorpio in The Sagittarius' House of Unconditional Love and Spirituality. Mercury will continue to go in reverse in this spiritual area of Sagittarian Life until November 27th, when the planet of power babble shifts once more into forward motion.
Since I'm sure you Pony Boys and Girls have every Retrograded detail fully absorbed, Brad requests that each of you Horse Folk refrain from the Ridlin just quite yet, in order to look at the Sagittarian themes which were highlighted for your sign the previous time Mercury high tailed it in reverse, Superly Similar!!
Mercurial monkey see, Mercurial monkey do, children of Jupiter! How about I just quote myself verbatim from last July?
“Because Saggitarians are the Rabbit’s Feet of the Zodiac and have immense luck and frightfully good timing, the karmicly naughty Centaur performs these ugly acts with the presumption they won’t get caught and even if they do, they tend to repeat these same sorry deeds again and again!
...the 2nd Mercury Retrograde of 2012 will be occurring from July 15th until August 8th in a most challenging place for the sign of The Centaur. The planet of communication will be doing its reverse tailspin in the sign of Leo and in The Sagittarius’ House of Luck, Religion, and Philosophy.
Why this Mercurial transit is such the karmic minefield for the Sag is not only will it be happening in the House which Sagittarius rules over naturally, but this particular Mercurial Retrograde Cycle will be taking place for you fire signs in a fiery sign AND in a fiery House.
Fire energy is action oriented. It loves being turbo busy and has no time for such non-active (or so perceived) things such as thinking. With Mercury going in backwards planetary motion in the authoritative sign of the monarch, fiery Leo, and in The Fiery House of Luck and Religion, things are primed for the Sag to partake in the aforementioned examples of unevolved behavior. And as if that wasn’t karmicly bad enough, with everything placed in the element of Fire, the children of Jupiter will be inclined to act without any, let alone 2nd, thoughts, and may perform these shameful acts repeatedly in any case!”
Let's repetitively review:
A Mercury Retrograde occurring in a sign's First House of Self, as the current one is for Sagittarius, is akin to it happening in the House which that sign rules over naturally, as when the planet of communication went backwards in the House which Sag naturally rules, that of Luck and Religion, last July.
Both the 3rd and 2nd Retrograde Cycles of Mercury for the sign of Sagittarius take place in Fiery Signs and Fiery Houses. (sign of Sagittarius in the Aries House of Self – 3rd MR, sign of Leo in the Sagittarian House of Luck and Religion - 2nd MR)
Since Mercury Retro # 3 is so Sag similar to Mercury Retro # 2 in a eerily equine way, Brad has no choice but to once again repeat his equine example of repetitive religious regression! The Sag Rising Evangelist of Repetitive Renown who was really, REALLY sorry when he was caught sinning red-handed, the 2nd time around, not so much..... Jimmy “Tear Smeared” Swaggart!
The Lord also told Brad that with the 2nd portion of the 3rd Mercury Retrograde Cycle of 2012 taking place for Sagittarius in Scorpio, the sign of Death and Transformation, and in their House of Spirituality, the need to repeat had better burn out once and for all, o last of the Fire Signe
“Entertainingly in a sick way, on those rare occasions when their true actions are made known, the child of Jupiter is usually caught red-handed and when this occurs, is so very, VERY sorry for what they’ve done beneath the noses of The Almighty and their fellow neighbors, a la the choked through tears, nationally televised, “I have sinned.” adulterous admission of Pentecostal TV Evangelist Jimmy Swaggart, born Sagittarius Rising with his Jupiterian chart ruler placed in the dirty boy sign of sex crazed Scorpio.
...despite Swaggart’s adulterous acts being made publicly known as retribution for a fellow minister being defrocked after Jimmy finger pointed the man’s lascivious behavior before his own congregation, there weren’t nearly as many streaming tears when the Reverend was caught once more with a prostitute, this time while driving on the wrong side of the road a few years following his initial scandal d’hooker. But this not-so-contrite time around, instead of openly admitting he had once more veered down the Highway to Hell, Mr. Swaggart is known to have said, “The Lord told me it's flat none of your business.” to his shocked flock of followers the next day."
The Lord also told Brad that with the 2nd portion of the 3rd Mercury Retrograde Cycle of 2012 taking place for Sagittarius in Scorpio, the sign of Death and Transformation, and in their House of Spirituality, the need to repeat had better burn out once and for all, o last of the Fire Signed Family,
OR EQUINE ELSE....