By: Brad Kronen
June 21st - July 21st
“Over the river and through the waves,
To the Cancer's House, We go!
The sea horse knows the way, To sail from the bay,
To a Thanksgiving feast of old!”
Cancer & The Holiday Season = Chocolate & Peanut Butter
Despite the sign of The Crab taking place when the air is tinged by the crisp smell of chlorinated swimming pools and colored with the whizzing blur of brightly blown beach balls flying to and fro, practically every aspect of the Holiday Season is thoroughly Cancerian.
Allow Brad to prove his astrological point by using key Cancerian buzz words to describe the time of year when Thanksgiving/Christmas/Chanukkah/Kwaanza/Winter Solstice take place:
The Holidays, otherwise known as November and December, is the time of year when Friends and Family gather together at each other's homes to celebrate the season.
Throughout this special time, home made cooking is transformed to special Holiday feasts, which often consist of traditional family food items which have been taught and prepared from generation to generation.
The Holiday Season is the time of year when we look back with sentimental fondness to the Past, in particular recalling Holidays of old, when we remember special times with loved ones, both living and departed.
During the Holiday Season, Mothers have to find special hiding places for various toys and gifts so that the kiddies don't spoil the Holiday fun by opening their packages of love too early with wild, undisciplined abandon.
Yes, there's no better place like a Cancer's home for the holidays!
….except this year.
Sorry, my Crabs, the Universe really hates to pee over the cozy fireplace glimmering with fairy lights and all the rest of the Holiday treacle, but 'tis better to be astrologically informed and in the Holiday know, than have a full scale, total Cancerian meltdown in front of all the family, friends, and let's not forget the undisciplined with wild abandon kiddies, too.
Yes, my Crustaceans, yours is the family oriented sign which can cook circles around the remaining members of the Zodiac, particularly during those special times of sentimental remembrance, but heed Brad's warning, O Side Steppers! The Holiday Season of 2012 is really not the time to be living proof of all that.
The 3rd Retrograde Cycle of the planet of Communication and of Siblings, Mercury, shall be taking place in the sign of goodwill towards many, many men, as well as blind rage, Sagittarius, in The Cancer's House of Chores and Cleaning beginning November 7th. The planet which oversees the age range of the most undisciplined of wild abandoned kiddies shall then continue to go in backwards planetary motion when Mercury crosses over into the sign of Death and the Survivor, Scorpio, in The Cancer's House of Children and Creative Self-Expression on November 15th until switching into forward motion on November 27th.
Let's face it, my Crabs. If your sea castle isn't consistently the holiday headquarters where all family members, extended and otherwise, related or not, convene every year, you Pincer People still end up imprisoned in the kitchen, due to having to do most of the holiday cooking in any Cancerian case.
Unfortunately, with the first portion of Mercury's Retrograde Cycle taking place in the sign known for abundance, in both numbers and in egg nog intake, Sagittarius, there most likely won't be enough Cancerian cooking to go around this year, due to an over abundance of holiday meal invites being extended to family and non-family alike.
Added to that most annoying of presumptuous prospects, the first half of the Planet of Communication's backwards spin will be taking place in your House of Chores and Cleaning, hinting that most likely there also won't be enough space to fit your additional uninvited guests, either. A nice holiday touch to balance all the frustrated embarrassment created by the insufficient lack of holiday grub to not go around.
That, or Mercury's crazy train in reverse in the Cancerian House of Cleaning could also be interpreted as every bit of pre-Holiday scrubbing and house preparation being undone and negated due to the excess of uninvited holiday meal crashers declaring “Mutiny!” and ransacking your Sea Castle at large.
Let's hope the majority of the excess of uninvited guests aren't tots which you aren't obligated to be nice to by blood, Cancer. With the 2nd half of Mercury's backwards tail spin occurring in the sign of Death, Scorpio, and in the House of Children, especially of the undisciplined, wild abandoned kind, the overworked, underappreciated Cancerian may be dreaming of a Holiday Season covered in white this year,
….with a whole lot of red splattered all over it, to add a little retaliatory color.
So after all that Holiday ummmm cheer? Brad recommends an especially different and wholly unique thing which every Cancer should consider making during the Holiday Season of 2012:
July 22nd – August 22nd
Or as Brad likes to call them, “The Very Best of Times and The Penultimate Worst of Times For The Leo”.
Truly, every Lion's holiday experience beelines to one of the opposite poles of experiential extremity. Nothing ever ends up in the midsection average between the extreme high's and low's of how the Holidays affect the Royals of the Zodiac.
In any case, from the very get-go of the Holiday Season, much, much, MUCH effort is put forth by the typical Lion to appear adequately presentable for both friends and family.
90% of said effort being hair related.
For those of you with Leonine paramours who plan on escorting them home for the holidays for the first time this year, the vast chunks of waiting you will be clocking in while in the Lion's Home Lair will be easier to handle if you're privy to the fact most of it will be mane (hair) related.
And Leonine significant others, please note, 'tis far better to wait for the primping Leo which hopefully results in them determining their visage to be presentable.
Should the Leo find their looks to be irreparably unsatisfying – ain't no one goin' anywhere for the duration of the evening.
My Lions, I won't kid you. The upcoming Mercury Retrograde will be quite the challenge for the fixed members of the Family of Flame for some key and core reasons of the Kitty kind.
This particular backwards tail spin of the Planet of Communication will commence for the middle Fire signs in both a Fiery Sign and in a Fiery House.
And just so you're kept up to date, my Hoop jumpers, the Fiery House just happens to be your very own.
The 3rd Mercury Retrograde of 2012 will at first be taking place on November 7th in the sign of frivolity (forced or otherwise), Sagittarius, in The Leo's House of Creative Self Expression and Children. In other royal words, the House which Leo rules over naturally. The 2nd half of this planetary reverse cycle will occur in the sign of Death and Transformation, Scorpio, in The Leo's House of Home and Family when Mercury revs backwards into that sign and House on November 15th until switching into forward planetary motion on November 27th.
My Royals, it's just you and Brad, may I be frank? To be blunt, things have been beyond royally crappy for your sign for quite some time as of late. Between the 2 previous years being chock full o' Retrogrades amongst the Fiery Planets, along with the previous Mercury Retrograde of last summer occurring in your own sign, many a Lion is currently low on energy, motivation, and a thing which I thought could NEVER be depleted, given your sign is usually inherently blessed (lung hacking cough) with such a vast amount of this quality – Self Confidence.
Said another way, most Leos are working with mighty short fuses these days.
If we consider the Holidays, with their some of the time obligated visitations, and most of the time required sense of frivolity, and combine them with a short-fused Leo, overall, you have a recipe for Dramatic Disaster! Plus, fueling the flames to the current state of nearly non-existent Leonine patience, the planet of communication's reverse cycle will be taking place in the sign of high hopes, Sagittarius, and in the Leo's own House of Creative Self-Expression. Upon hearing that final part of the astrological gauntlet, the only constructive thing Brad can think of is,
WARNING EVERYONE TO HEAD FOR THE HILLS!
Allow the astrologer whom you made a mental self note to dress as next Halloween to explain.....from a very long distance away.
I don't mean to fully negate this year's, or any other Holiday Season for you Lions, because now truly is the time of year when you Sun ruled Fiery Folk shine their brightest by looking your royal best and acting with a warmth and generosity of heart that is unmatched.
But it is the Leo's high self standards from Holiday Seasons of old that could prove to be the spark which lights your already short fuse that's attached to this year's Holiday inner powder keg, my Prideful ones.
Given what's been mentioned about the Lion's recent past being so royally craptacular, many a Leo will be using every bit of their focused energy trying to desperately convince themselves that this year will be the best Holiday Season EVER!!!
Despite that high hoped perspective already being unrealisticly impossible, with Mercury going backwards in the sign of optimism and of exaggeration, Sagittarius, many a Leo will be artificially amping up the Holiday Good Vibrations to anyone and everyone within ear shot - falsely announcing how GREAT they feel and how simply SUPER things have been going for them lately!!!
Nail bitingly moving along....
In Brad's not so humble opinion, what's the best form of Leonine creative self expression?
Being ruled by the heart, the Leo full of Holiday cheer will buy the most extravagant gifts for those they care for, complete with hydraulic lifts for the most ornate of holiday gift wrapping presentations.
With that said, let's paint a holiday picture, my Royal Roarers. One that would send Norman Rockwell silently screaming as he beelined for the closest bridge from which to leap from, but by example, imparts a valuable lesson to lionly learn from all the same, my Drama Kings and Queens of the Zodiac.
It's Thanksgiving and you've driven/flown to wherever home is, Leo. Even though you've consistently felt like royal crap since your arrival, you're dressed to the Leonine 9's and despite your mane of hair having a will of its own for the first few hours of primping prep time, you seriously look, but certainly don't feel, great.
This year, your newly divorced brother/sister has their kids for Turkey Day and they happen to be your favorite niece and nephew. She is turning 17 in December, He, 15, in April.
Not only did it take forever to wrap their gifts just right, but the time it took to choose your niece's and nephew's presents was daunting, due to your extensive research on the latest buying trends amongst the most intelligent and sporty 17 and 15 year olds.
After dinner, you announce it's present opening time and get the digital camera ready as you graciously present your thoughtful gifts to your most favored teen relations. As you open your mouth in an attempt to say something cautionary about slowly opening your beautifully decorated displays of caring, the ornately delicate wrapping is instantaneously ripped off in one swipe and tossed haphazardly to the side without even a 2nd glance from the present's recipients.
Whilst in the process of plowing through your gifts steeped in heart-felt consideration, your ears must have somehow gotten clogged, because instead of squeals of thankful joy, all that can be heard from your bored and very un-plussed niece and nephew are “This sucks.” and “Whatever.” as they walk out of the room without even a “Thank you.”
Your hands clench into tight, pulverizing fists as your vision now becomes shaded in red. The last thing you remember from this screaming sequence of events is speed walking like a heat-seeking drone towards the 2 little beasts that stomped all over your Holiday heart, while far too loudly announce-screaming in the most psycho of disingenuous sing-song-y cadences, “KIDS, WE SO AREN'T DONE YET!!”
Just in time for the 2nd Half of Mercury's Retrograde to backwards shift into the sign of Death, Scorpio, and in the The Leo's House of Home and Family. What a coinkydink, eh....Le....o?
I'll leave you lions with these final words of advice before Brad bolts for the door. The 2 best things every Lion can do this Holiday Season is to exhale as often as possible, and far more importantly (from a saving of human life perspective), each Leo should not make a SINGLE expectation this Holiday Season!
This year, let lionly go and take things as they come, my Royally controlling ones, and no one will get hurt.
For those Kings and Queens of the Jungle who plan on paying no heed to Brad's holiday words of warning and approach the season with the highest of Holiday hopes, at least remember this:
Salt water mixed with a little hydrogen peroxide works wonders on blood stains that simply will not go away.
August 23rd – September 22nd
Your Horoscope for the 3rd Mercury Retrograde of 2012 has many similarities to Cancer's, Virgo.
It also has some key core differences as well.
For starters, the Retrograded excitement for both signs begins with the first portion of the planet of communication's backwards tail spin taking place in each other's naturally ruling Houses. Mercury will be going in reverse in The Cancer's House of Chores and Daily Repetition, the House which Virgo naturally rules, and the aforementioned heavenly body which happens to also be Virgo's planetary ruler, will be revving in reverse in The Virgo's House of Home and Family, the astrological area of Life which is the Crab's naturally ruling turf.
The first portion of Mercury's Retrograde Cycle will occur in the sign of Sagittarius for all parties involved beginning on November 7th, my hypoallergenic ones. In order to get a better sense of what that means, Brad has juxtaposed some evolved Sagittarian traits immediately followed by their unevolved polar opposites : optimism/irresponsibility, pursuit of pleasure/decadent hedonism, expansion and growth/ inconsideration, multi-tasking/recklessness.
Now, with all that Centaur'd stuff laid before us, picture any number of communicative pitfalls occurring throughout the month of November regarding any/all of those Sagittarian themes.
For those born beneath the sign of the Harvest Maiden as well as the Side Stepping Crustacean, their homes tend to be Holiday Headquarters – by default. But whereas the Cancerian accepts this huge mantle of Holiday responsibility with a sense of understood acceptance, given their sign's affinity for such home-y activities as cooking and having their sea castles naturally be domestic zones of comfort, the Virgoan performs their vast list of Holiday tasks and chores out of a sense of obligated duty.
And over the years, obligated duty can internally build up to a whole lotta Virgoan resentment.
The 3rd Mercury Retrograde Cycle of 2012 could very well alter the rising tides of Virgoan resentment from building any further, my Untouchables, by acting as the catalytic spark which causes the Virgen Volcano to finally erupt, that in turn, could be the key for many a Virgo to be released from the presumptuous shackles of Holiday martyrdom.
How this all could come into play for those born beneath the middle of the Earth signs is indicated by the sign and House of the planet of communication's cycle of reverse motion.
With Mercury's backwards tail spin happening in Sagittarius in The Virgo's House of Home and Family, the scales of familial obligation stand to be tipped over this year due to an overage of guests caused by holiday invites being over-extended to family and non-family members alike.
The typical Virgoan keeps their residence neat and tidy all the year round and tends to be even more thorough with their stringent cleaning duties during the Holiday Season to incorporate added traffic in their homes.
But what to do if the added traffic balloons to LA highway standards due to a spiked increase of uninvited guests which presumptuous family members were remiss in telling their Virgoan host?
If the inconsideration caused by those circumstances alone doesn't make Mt. Internalized Resentment blow its top, the excess mess and traffic'd in dirt throughout your homestead should do the trick.
The second half of your planetary ruler's reverse spin cycle begins when Mercury backs out of Sagittarius into the sign of hardcore intensity, Scorpio, in The Virgo's House of Communications on November 15th and shall stay in backwards motion until going direct on November 27th.
In October, my advice to those born beneath the sign of the Harvest Maiden was for them to start being consciously mindful of their words, since those detailed and extremely precise weapons of verbal war shall always find a target upon leaving each of your sharp tongued mouths.
BUT, with the 2nd Half of the planet of communication's reverse cycle backing up into your House of Communications in Scorpio, the sign of Death and Hardcore Intensity, Brad is temporarily rescinding his verbal armistice.
During those 2 weeks in November, every slighted and taken for granted Virgo is karmicly allowed to take full advantage of the astrological climate created by the 2nd half of Mercury's Retrograde by letting their razor-like tongues rip and taking no prisoners!
Clearly state to those who have overlooked your hard work and taken your numerous labors of hospitality for granted, that forthwith, the Holiday Martyr whom you played during holidays of old is deader than the moist Holiday duck you just slaved over, and that you can't wait to provide helpful tips to the host of wherever the new Holiday Headquarters shall be going forward, now that the Virgo Volcano has permanently altered things into a disaster area that is no longer fit for human relative habitation.
That, along with clarifying you're not mad at them, you're mad at the dirt, Virgo.